|Move over Austin Powers, here is the new International Man of Mystery|
First published in The Express Tribune
PS: Before anyone asks me about the validity of the survey (as they have done on the ET website) let me state that it is satire and everything is fictional except for Mansoor Ijaz, his wife, the music video and the writer.
After last night’s somewhat lame coke studio effort, I need to get a couple of things off with the hope that someone will get this message across to Rohail Hayat who I, along with millions of Pakistanis, respect tremendously as a musician and a music producer.
First of all, Noori needs to hire a decent lyricist, pronto. Noori is a great band but their lyrics are generally a major letdown. They are such a great band that we tend to overlook it but they would be so much better if they can match their music with some respectable lyrics. It would make their music timeless like Junoon and Vital Signs. So incensed I was at ‘Tan dolay man dolay’ litany that I listened to all Noori songs and learned that 90 per cent of their songs have some kind of tan dolay man bolay reference. For instance lines like ‘man ki aas’ and ‘man ke andar’ (Kedar), ‘Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein’ (Saari Raat) ‘Aaja aaja re manwa pukarey’ and ‘man yeh chahay (Jhoom Lay) ‘Chahay mann jalay, ya tann jal jayay’ (Ooncha) ‘Mann mera chahay jo woh bolay meree raah mein’ and ‘Jo tann mein dekhay, kyoon mann mein sochay’ (Jo Meray) are present in almost all the songs. They MUST either hire a lyricist or buy a couple of copies of Urdu thesaurus to find alternatives to words ‘tan’ and ‘man’. Come on guys, you can do much better.
I still can’t get over Aisha by Amanat Ali; I mean what was Rohail Hayat thinking? However, the title of worst performance by anyone ever in cokestudio goes to EP. They apparently “covered” Sajjad Ali’s famous ‘Bolo Bolo’ but what they forgot that it was an Urdu song and they massacred it by singing it in anglicized accent. I can understand someone who grew up in Lahore singing it in hardcore Punjabi accent, but I still cannot fathom how a Lahori can sport a fake American accent and that too in a song! How can you do justice to a song when you eat half the words in order to sound cool! As if the singing was not awful enough, Fawad’s fedora looked extremely out of place. It was a BAD BAD performance. Epic fail.
The only saving grace was ‘Naina de aakhay’by Rizwan & Moazzam. Here it is for your listening pleasure.
After detailing crappy stories about life amidst religious fanaticism in Pakistan, I am happy to report that Pakistani music scene is looking bright for female musicians and there are a couple of musical associations that are especially notice worthy.
On the repeat mode on my iPod these days is Saba and Selina’s live rendition of their romantic number ‘I am in Love’. Apart from foot tapping music and their amazing vocals, what I like most about this song is the progressive lyrics. In Pakistani romantic music, it is always a male that actively seek/pursue love and women generally tend to follow them. This song is an unabashed declaration of love from a woman who says, “I am in love, I am believer and I couldn’t leave him if try.” Not the regular fare in desi music and extremely refreshing. Kudos to the girls.
Haniya and Zeb are the other two musicians who are making their mark in the music industry and they are pretty good at live performances as well. Apart from making songs in Urdu, they are the first female musicians who are doing rock music with Pashto lyrics; amazing, isn’t it. They have just shot their first video ‘Aitebaar’ which has used dance as a metaphor for love, it’s an excellent video, enjoy …
Michael Jackson is celebrating his 50 years on earth today and the other (still) big M (Madonna) celebrated hers on August15.
MJ is celebrating his birthday at SM Mall Asia in Manila, Philippines, at the release of his album “The King of Pop” while Madonna celebrated hers in London.
MJ’s birthday party is open for all his fans while Madonna’s guest list had lots of A list stars and blue blooded aristocrats. The guests were barred from giving cards or presents featuring the number 50. Apparently, it was not just rock-star vanity: according to the teachings of Kabbalah, in terms of her spiritual age Madonna is only 36.
And they say Michael Jackson is the crazy one!!!
We have seen him play, we have seen him run, we have seen him naked, we have seen him in wax, we have seen him in Police sunglasses, we have seen him doing cameo in films. As if all of it was not enough, the life of David Beckham (the five people on the planet who do not know who he is, go google him) is set to be turned into a musical that runs on London’s West End.
David Beckham: The Theatre of Dreams will tell the life story of former England captain Beckham, and his relationships with his parents and wife Victoria.
“Beckham’s story is a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, and what it means to lead your country,” producer Mark Archer said. “His rise from obscurity to international stardom, his universally acknowledged gifts as a supreme sportsman, and his Hollywood lifestyle all have the elements of an aspirational fable.”
The first thought that popped into my head was, “Who would be playing Beckham?” I mean if it were Beckham himself prancing on stage in tights and dancing; that would have be delicious, but whosoever would be enacting that part would need to start working on his abs, I mean seriously.
Summaiyya sent me this killer song from an utterly fabulous Ukrainian gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello and I am hooked.
This morning on my way to work, I plugged my ipod to car stereo and started singing along – at the top of my lungs. At the Clifton bridge signal opposite ABN-AMRO, a banker dude winked at me( I am assuming he was a banker because he was in a suit and was walking towards the bank, but I could be wrong), at the teen talwar signal an aunty gave me a stink eye which said ‘tauba tauba, kya zamana a gaya hai, larkiyan sarak pe subah subah gana ga raheen hain’ and no, before you say it that it could be just her face, let me tell you that it WAS the stink eye, but I paid no heed and kept on singing along. I personally think that singing is about as natural as breathing and if anyone has a problem with that, well that’s their problem.
The song goes like this …
When there is trap set up for you in every corner of this town
Hey sailor, the only way to go, is underground
When there is a trap set up for you in every corner of your room
Hey sailor, the only way to go, is through roof.
Ooooohhhhh oooohhhhhh, through the roof, under ground
Ooooohhhhh oooohhhhhh, through the roof, under ground
Oh Sumi, I have hit the roof, with the high note.