Tagged with " Music"
Feb 7, 2012 - Uncategorized    4 Comments

Desi celebs rocking pink Cadillacs way before Paris Hilton

Way before Paris Hilton was even born, there was a Pakistani celebrity who was rocking Cheetah print and a pink Cadillac. Keeping her company is another uber cool desi Meera Syal (apart from our very obvious desiness, Meera and I have the same Alma mater hence my obvious soft spot for her)

Yes, here is our good ol’ Nazia Hasan in all her animal print glory (way before LFMAO’s Sexy & I know it and any mention of how animal prints add to the coolness quotient) along with Meera Syal and a nameless woman in a girl band called Saffron, singing a super cheesy song composed by Biddu. 
My first reaction after watching this was a very Liz Lemon “What the whaaaa!” but then I realised that everyone makes some horrendous mistakes in their lives and in no way undermines the sheer awesomeness of ladies like Nazia Hassan and Meera Syal. 
PS: I always had a thing against girl and boy bands, I now know why. 

Mansoor Ijaz: International Man of Mystery

Move over Austin Powers, here is the new International Man of Mystery

Mansoor Ijaz has been declared the most envied man in Pakistan according to the latest survey. The poll was conducted among married urban men aged 28-46 and they all agree that Mansoor Ijaz is indeed the luckiest of them all. Contrary to popular understanding, it is not his status as an ‘international man of mystery’ or his perfectly slicked-back-hair that has made men envious all over the country; it is his newfound role as an actor in a dubious music video.

Mansoor Ijaz has been known as an international businessman, a self appointed negotiator and broker of sorts, but ever since a video has resurfaced featuring the chief accuser of the memogate scandal as an actor, people have changed their opinion about him. “I thought he was a small-time troublemaker looking for glory, but who needs glory when you get to commentate for a naked female wrestling match,” said a Karachi-based banker, Ali. His colleague Saad agreed with him, gave a thumbs-up for Mansoor Ijaz and said, “Way to go man!”
A businessman from Lahore, who wishes to stay anonymous, thinks Mansoor Ijaz’s wife is the coolest woman on the planet. “OMG! There is a woman out there who wants her husband to partake in such activities and was there by his side all the way through. She is definitely a keeper.”

For most Pakistanis, the popularity of the video and envy for Mansoor Ijaz stems from the novelty of seeing a man who looks like themselves in a raunchy video with white women. “We always thought that it is the white dudes or the black guys who get to go to places like that, with Mansoor Ijaz in that video, it has given us the courage that we too can do stuff like that in future. All we need is a visa for Europe and some contacts on the other side,” said two high school best friends from an elite Rawalpindi school.

Mansoor Ijaz’s video has also created quite a stir in the lawyers’ community. Many lawyers have come forward wanting to represent him thinking it would give them an opportunity to experience his lifestyle. Mansoor Ijaz’s current lawyer has vowed to stay with him through thick and thin for the same reason. However, it is still not known if the businessman, ladies wrestling commentator and international man of mystery is in the market for a new lawyer.

It is not just the adult men who seem impressed by the memo man. It has been learned through reliable sources that high school kids who showed no interest in English language previously, now want to know the meaning of the words such as ‘tumbling’ and ‘nasty’. One kid even asked his mom if he can name his kitten ‘Double D’. It is not known, yet, if the mother relented.

A local video director is also considering using Mansoor Ijaz to do his music video, however, he does not know if he can afford the rich businessman. He has been told to approach him through his wife, after all, he only relented on his wife’s insistence the first time around.

Due to the success of the “Stupidisco” song in Pakistan, Junior Jack, the video producer, is considering hiring other Pakistanis for his future videos. Sources close to him have revealed that he has shortlisted Sheikh Rasheed and Shah Mehmood Qureshi amongst others to star in his next video.

First published in The Express Tribune

PS: Before anyone asks me about the validity of the survey (as they have done on the ET website) let me state that it is satire and everything is fictional except for Mansoor Ijaz, his wife, the music video and the writer. 

Jun 21, 2010 - Rohail Hayat, Sajjad Ali    23 Comments

Too much of Tan dolay Man bolay can be bad for you


After last night’s somewhat lame coke studio effort, I need to get a couple of things off with the hope that someone will get this message across to Rohail Hayat who I, along with millions of Pakistanis, respect tremendously as a musician and a music producer.

First of all, Noori needs to hire a decent lyricist, pronto. Noori is a great band but their lyrics are generally a major letdown. They are such a great band that we tend to overlook it but they would be so much better if they can match their music with some respectable lyrics. It would make their music timeless like Junoon and Vital Signs. So incensed I was at ‘Tan dolay man dolay’ litany that I listened to all Noori songs and learned that 90 per cent of their songs have some kind of tan dolay man bolay reference. For instance lines like ‘man ki aas’ and ‘man ke andar’ (Kedar), ‘Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein’ (Saari Raat) ‘Aaja aaja re manwa pukarey’ and ‘man yeh chahay (Jhoom Lay) ‘Chahay mann jalay, ya tann jal jayay’ (Ooncha) ‘Mann mera chahay jo woh bolay meree raah mein’ and ‘Jo tann mein dekhay, kyoon mann mein sochay’ (Jo Meray) are present in almost all the songs. They MUST either hire a lyricist or buy a couple of copies of Urdu thesaurus to find alternatives to words ‘tan’ and ‘man’. Come on guys, you can do much better. 

I still can’t get over Aisha by Amanat Ali; I mean what was Rohail Hayat thinking? However, the title of  worst performance by anyone ever in cokestudio goes to EP. They apparently “covered” Sajjad Ali’s famous ‘Bolo Bolo’ but what they forgot that it was an Urdu song and they massacred it by singing it in anglicized accent. I can understand someone who grew up in Lahore singing it in hardcore Punjabi accent, but I still cannot fathom how a Lahori can sport a fake American accent and that too in a song! How can you do justice to a song when you eat half the words in order to sound cool! As if the singing was not awful enough, Fawad’s fedora looked extremely out of place. It was a BAD BAD performance. Epic fail.

The only saving grace was ‘Naina de aakhay’by Rizwan & Moazzam. Here it is for your listening pleasure.


Oct 23, 2008 - women    26 Comments

The sound of music

After detailing crappy stories about life amidst religious fanaticism in Pakistan, I am happy to report that Pakistani music scene is looking bright for female musicians and there are a couple of musical associations that are especially notice worthy.

On the repeat mode on my iPod these days is Saba and Selina’s live rendition of their romantic number ‘I am in Love’. Apart from foot tapping music and their amazing vocals, what I like most about this song is the progressive lyrics. In Pakistani romantic music, it is always a male that actively seek/pursue love and women generally tend to follow them. This song is an unabashed declaration of love from a woman who says, “I am in love, I am believer and I couldn’t leave him if try.” Not the regular fare in desi music and extremely refreshing. Kudos to the girls.

Haniya and Zeb are the other two musicians who are making their mark in the music industry and they are pretty good at live performances as well. Apart from making songs in Urdu, they are the first female musicians who are doing rock music with Pashto lyrics; amazing, isn’t it. They have just shot their first video ‘Aitebaar’ which has used dance as a metaphor for love, it’s an excellent video, enjoy …


Aug 29, 2008 - Uncategorized    1 Comment

And they say MJ is the crazy one


Michael Jackson is celebrating his 50 years on earth today and the other (still) big M (Madonna) celebrated hers on August15.

MJ is celebrating his birthday at SM Mall Asia in Manila, Philippines, at the release of his album “The King of Pop” while Madonna celebrated hers in London.

MJ’s birthday party is open for all his fans while Madonna’s guest list had lots of A list stars and blue blooded aristocrats. The guests were barred from giving cards or presents featuring the number 50. Apparently, it was not just rock-star vanity: according to the teachings of Kabbalah, in terms of her spiritual age Madonna is only 36.

And they say Michael Jackson is the crazy one!!!


Aug 21, 2008 - Uncategorized    2 Comments

A David Beckham musical !!!!

We have seen him play, we have seen him run, we have seen him naked, we have seen him in wax, we have seen him in Police sunglasses, we have seen him doing cameo in films. As if all of it was not enough, the life of David Beckham (the five people on the planet who do not know who he is, go google him) is set to be turned into a musical that runs on London’s West End.

David Beckham: The Theatre of Dreams will tell the life story of former England captain Beckham, and his relationships with his parents and wife Victoria.

“Beckham’s story is a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, and what it means to lead your country,” producer Mark Archer said. “His rise from obscurity to international stardom, his universally acknowledged gifts as a supreme sportsman, and his Hollywood lifestyle all have the elements of an aspirational fable.”
The first thought that popped into my head was, “Who would be playing Beckham?” I mean if it were Beckham himself prancing on stage in tights and dancing; that would have be delicious, but whosoever would be enacting that part would need to start working on his abs, I mean seriously.

Mar 28, 2008 - Uncategorized    1 Comment

Through the roof, under ground

Summaiyya sent me this killer song from an utterly fabulous Ukrainian gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello and I am hooked.

This morning on my way to work, I plugged my ipod to car stereo and started singing along – at the top of my lungs. At the Clifton bridge signal opposite ABN-AMRO, a banker dude winked at me( I am assuming he was a banker because he was in a suit and was walking towards the bank, but I could be wrong), at the teen talwar signal an aunty gave me a stink eye which said ‘tauba tauba, kya zamana a gaya hai, larkiyan sarak pe subah subah gana ga raheen hain’ and no, before you say it that it could be just her face, let me tell you that it WAS the stink eye, but I paid no heed and kept on singing along. I personally think that singing is about as natural as breathing and if anyone has a problem with that, well that’s their problem.

The song goes like this …

When there is trap set up for you in every corner of this town

Hey sailor, the only way to go, is underground

When there is a trap set up for you in every corner of your room

Hey sailor, the only way to go, is through roof.

Ooooohhhhh oooohhhhhh, through the roof, under ground

Ooooohhhhh oooohhhhhh, through the roof, under ground

Oh Sumi, I have hit the roof, with the high note.