Tagged with " blogging"
Dec 14, 2012 - Uncategorized    1 Comment

After halal erotica comes halal housing …

As a cataloger of all things Halal, this blog has discussed everything from halal banking & halal wine, halal gripe water to halal kink. In fact this blog has the dubious honor of coming up with the idea of a halal search engine which was stolen by some dude in Netherlands who came up with imhalal but I digress. 

Anyways, it seems that Dutch are the market leaders when it comes to selling all things halal, they designed the halal search engine, sell halal erotica to Muslim brothers and sisters and now came up with halal housing. I was most impressed with this and wanted to research it some more but I was most disappointed when I found out that these halal houses are pretty much the same as other houses save some muslim showers and sliding doors that turn your living room into separate zanankhana and mardankhana. They have not mentioned if they will provide lotas with Muslim housing or if the residents will have to bring in their own when they move in. I actually do see it as a deal breaker. 

People like us have been living in halal housing all our lives without ever knowing it. 

Halal marketing FTW

Apr 20, 2012 - Uncategorized    16 Comments

Five years on ….

It was a slow day at work and I got an email from my friend Asma, sending me the link to her blog which she had just started. It was part funny, part ironic and reflected Asma to the T. 

Next thing you know, I had a blog (being the self loving narcissist that I am, the URL had to have my name – twice) and I started posting. Initially it was an odd random rant or two and I used to force my friends to read it. Somehow along the way, I got readers who were reading, commenting and encouraging me to write more. Here I am five years on and still blogging. 

Here is to all the amazing people who started off as readers and then became my friends and to all the wonderful people across the world who keep coming back even when I am boring and irregular. I am grateful to you all.

keep coming back 🙂 

PS: I am really curious about the regular readers from places like Delft, Hamburg and Finland. Drop in a line to say hello. I would like to put a name to the unnamed regulars. 🙂 


PPS: This is the longest I have been committed to anything. My longest job stint was 2 years and 10 months.

Sep 8, 2009 - sarcasm    43 Comments

…and the halalness saga continues …

Honestly, I never thought that my blog posts would be taken seriously by anyone, let alone makers of a halal search engine.
A few weeks back, PTI reviewed one of my previous posts about a halal browser and commented that although the post was in good humour, it was taken very seriously by the more pious readers. That report was carried by Pune Mirror, Yahoo India and The American Conservative to name a few.

A Dutch company came up with a halal search engine (If there exists a Halal browser, please enlighten me about it) with help of which Muslims will be able to surf the internet without the fear of accidentally encountering sinful material. The site is called www.iamhalal.com and comes with the tagline; I search halal, I am halal (wonder what does that make a bonafide google worshiper like me).

Now, I am not a narcissist nutcase who believes that the whole world is copying her but these guys totally stole my idea of three levels of halalness – or rather haramness.

If you type a word that is deemed inappropriate by the search engine, you will be warned in 3 levels of haram.
A query for the term “Suicide bombings” is considered level 1 haram and came with this warning.
Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 1 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!


The word “Sex” was deemed level 2 Haram. The warning for it goes something like this:

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 2 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!


Searching a word like “Fornication” would put the search engine on red alert (literally) and the warning would come in red letters.

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 3 out of 3! I would like to advise you to change your search terms and try again

Honestly, this search engine is in a bad taste. Words like love, kissing and Nazi are level 1 haram and words like gay, lesbian and sexy are level 3 haram but words like fascism, nigger, molester, murder and torture are totally halal.

What kind of weird world we live in where adult Muslims would actively seek an internet nanny to filter stuff for them!

Mar 24, 2009 - Uncategorized    21 Comments

Closer to Sarah Palin

I got a reader from Anchorage, Alaska on my blog.

Somehow, I feel closer to Sarah Palin today.

Feb 23, 2009 - Uncategorized    59 Comments

I love trouble

Last week, I wrote a series of five blogs for Dawn.com launch and I received some really interesting feedback on it. For some strange reason – or perhaps quite understandably so – I got a lot of feedback from India. Quite a few people from India wanted to know if am being harassed by ISI for writing what I did. I take this opportunity to clarify that ISI is a hugely important intelligence wing of the government and has better things to do than keep tabs on a blogger, a female blogger and a female blogger who has a personal life that is slightly more exciting that seeing an egg being boiled on a slow burner. Contrary to what every two bit journalist in Pakistan would say – that ISI is shadowing him or taping his phone calls, which sound positively archaic by the way – they do not follow or bug the telephones. They have better things to do such as making sure that Mullah Fazlullah delivers his sermon through his FM radio station on time everyday or making sure that news about PM sahib’s sexcapades do not get to the press. Believe me when I say this: if anyone has to tail a woman, any ISI man worth his salt – or wardi – would rather follow Kashmala Tariq who is not only prettier but leads a far more interesting life.

A reader from Gujarwala has threatened me with a defamation suit. He thinks that I am trying to piggyback on the fame and popularity of the “the great saviour of Pakistan, Mr Imran Khan’ (his words, not mine) and he says that he is gonna file a lawsuit against me so that I ‘stop poisoning the minds of young Pakistanis’. First of all, I would like to thank you for making me feel like a celebrity. I mean who sue normal folks in Pakistan? So I say, bring it on bruthah! That will not only help me in piggybacking some more; I may also end up with my own TV show and may get a book deal to write an expose on the great saviour.

One question that a lot of people asked is why my blog is named ‘A reluctant mind’. Honestly, I don’t know. My blog was originally titled ‘Subliminal Mindfuck’. As only three of my friends were forced to read it, nobody minded that name. A couple of months later, a cousin stumbled upon it and was not only scandalized by the name but also by the fact that it was getting a lot of traffic and comments from porn sites. My cousin thought that writing a blog that attracts porn will diminish my chances of ever landing a suitable boy. She forbade me to change the name and said that if I do not do so, she will tell my dad. Personally, I was also getting sick of all the comments from girls named Cherie or Harmony who would want to do wicked things and would like to do it on my blog, so I changed the name.

Sadly, I still haven’t landed that suitable boy and now face a lawsuit. Some people just attract trouble.

.

Nov 17, 2008 - Uncategorized    36 Comments

Analyzing the gender of your blog

Gender Analyzer uses Artificial Intelligence to determine if a homepage is written by a man or woman. So if you want to know about your writing style, place your blog URL and find out if it is written by a man or a woman.

Please note that it is not to cause any confusion to the reader about their gender – apparent or perceived. I gather the website just analyze the writing style, that is why, despite being labeled a die hard feminist, my writing style is 68% male, or so gender analyzer says. It probably has something to do with the fact that I wear my narcissism right on my sleeves, have an ego which is approximately the size of Texas (quite rare in female species) and my blog has pictures of David Beckham.
Yeah, now I get it, its David Beckham pictures that did it.

Nov 9, 2008 - Uncategorized    28 Comments

My very first moment of blogosphere celebhood.

Something really strange happened yesterday.

I went to attend a photography workshop and the workshop facilitator asked us how we share any random pictures that we take. I said I either put them on flickr or on my blog, we then discussed something related to it. During the break, one of the fellow participants came and asked my name and then goes, “Oh, I read your blog, imagine bumping into you here.” Yes, you got that right guys, my very first moment of blogosphere celebhood.

Sep 4, 2008 - Uncategorized    2 Comments

I – am – ‘Blogger of the month’

.

Just when I thought I need some serious ego boosting, Ammar from teabreak.pk asked for an interview; yes, they wanted me to be their featured “Blogger of the Month”. Being the narcissist that I am, I obliged, here is the interview.

Aug 8, 2008 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Blogging and PM sahib

Though there is no love lost between me and the prime minister, but I must admit that he is the person responsible to bringing most traffic to my blog, seriously.

The post that is a few months old and still gets most hits is the one I wrote, soon after Gilani sahib took oath as the PM, about his boob groping ways in public. Now every online voyeur who googles ‘boobie groping’ or ‘groping in public’ or ‘boobie groping in public’ or ‘groping video’ lands on that post of mine. The other post that generated over two thousand hits in 48 hours (a gigantic number by my standards as I only have five loyal readers who are generally bullied into reading my blog)was the one where he was trying, in fact trying very hard, to be coherent in English. What is strange that most of the people searching boobie groping online happen to be from either India or Nordic countries! I mean it makes sense that Indians want to see something like that given they are about as repressed as we are, but why would anyone be interested in something like this in say, Sweden or Denmark, I mean why?

Another hit generating question that diverts lots of traffic to my blog is “Is Nadia Khan Pregnant?” Apart from bored housewives in Pakistan and Middle East, I get hits from Belgium and Germany about the suspected bun in Nadia Khan’s oven. In my honest opinion, Nadia Khan has become Pakistan’s answer to Angelina Jolie whose womb is probably more closely scrutinized than the nuclear assets of a major country.

Another hit generating word is Taliban, most of the people searching Taliban are from US who land here on my blog. Instead of finding about the exact location of good ol’ Osama Bin Laden, all they get to see is my letter to Talib brothers and the story of them capturing marble mines in FATA.

Search for Sherry Rehman also landed a lot of people on the groping Prime minister’s post. People have googled questions as varied as ‘who is her hair stylist?’ to the fact ‘if she is married to Rehman Malik’ (Anyone who has seen her husband Nadeem Hussien would know that any one who has ever been married to Nadeem Hussian cannot even look at Malik sahib with affection, let alone marry him).

Shahid Masood is another hit generating person. People have googled everything, from his weight to his salary at PTV to his relations with Zardari and what not.

Here is my advice to fellow bloggers, if you want to increase the number of hits on your blog, just blog about Gilani sahib and a few of his cabinet members (Read Sherry and Malik) and viola, you are popular.

PS: My nephew thinks the most popular term these days in Pakistan is ‘Muakhza’

Jul 22, 2008 - Uncategorized    No Comments

It’s official – I have no life

Someone I know through blogging recently commented that if my blogs are to be believed, I have a lot going on in my life. Flabbergasted that I was, I went and checked the first page of my blog to find out the sad state of my life.

The first page of my blog has about 14 posts. All it tells anyone about me is that I read lots of newspapers (I have quoted everything from Guardian to NY Times to apna local Dawn and Daily Times); I recently went to a beauty parlour and witnessed child abuse; I got called ugly by a random visitor to my blog. I also got published twice in one week and was proud to show it off to my five regular readers. It also tells one that I don’t have a life, I only live to blog and get deliriously happy when I find out that people are reading my blog in places as far away as Colombia, Israel and Slovenia. Oh it also tells you how much I hate Dr Shahid Masood, not that it matters to him at all.

All it tells you that I have absolutely nothing going on in my life and the narcissist that I am; I like to believe that I rant in style and people should read and praise my tirades about everything under the sun because I am so good at it.

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