Browsing "Shahrukh Khan"

The alternate universe where Shahid Afridi and Katrina Kaif share a plate of biryani


Nothing makes me miss the city of Karachi more than its crazy zany billboards, banners and adverts. Here in the twin cities, you either see road side boards selling real estate (Gulberg anyone?), the odd billboard of the PM or the President opening an institute or welcoming a foreign dignitary or if you are in Rawalpindi, you would spot chotay Mian sahib (Shahbaz Sharif) celebrating the construction of a nala or kamyab dengue bachao muhim, everything is mundane and nothing touches the creativity and the entrepreneurial spirit of Karachi and its people.
Once upon a time, a cart vendor by the name of Ilyas Quraishi started selling Biryani in my former neighbourhood in Karachi. We don’t know if it was because his biryani tasted better than others or because he was the sole biryani seller in the muhalla or the fact that he used to raise the price of his plate of biryani quite regularly; his business grew phenomenally and in few short years, he moved from a single cart to multiple carts, then to a shack and finally to a proper shop. This reflects two things; Ilyas Bhai is a bonafide Karachiite who is enterprising and knows what works for him and pursues it. Secondly, we in Karachi, can never get enough of Biryani that is why the city has many rags to riches stories of the biryani sellers of all varieties in almost all localities.
This Eid, Ilyas bhai decided to go big and ordered a couple of big Billboards to announce to the world that Ilyas Bhai and his biryani is here to stay.
Ilyas Quraishi Biryani house wishes you Eid along with Shahid Afridi, Shahrukh Khan and Katrina Kaif
On the extreme right corner of this billboard, we have Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan, getting many thelas (bagfuls just does not seem right when we are talking about biryani) of Ilyas Biryani while riding a bike. An unseen acquaintance meets him and the conversation goes like this:
The unseen acquaintance: “Shahrukh Bhai, kya baat hai, itni dher saari biryani lay ke ja rahain hain woh bhi Ilyas Bhai ki, kya mehman aye hain?”
Shahrukh, in his glorious hairdo says, “Kya karain bhai, humaray mehmaan tau Ilyas Bhai ke ilawa kisi aur ki biryani khatay hi naheen.”
It does not end here, in this Ilyas biryani alternate universe, Shahid Afridi – Lala or Shahid Bhai as he is affectionately called by the fans – is married to Katrina Kaif. In their biryani filled coupledom, a conversation goes like this:
Katrina: “Birynai kaheen idhar udhar se mat lana, sirf Ilyas Biryani se hi lana warna mein naraz ho kar apni ammi ke yehan chali jaon gee. 

Shahid Bhai gets worried, does not even bother to change and starts running towards Ilyas Birayni in his Pakistan team kit saying, “Naheen naheen, apni ammi ke yehan mat jana, mein Ilyas Biryani hi la raha hoon.”

 
This too reflects two things; firstly, Bollywood is BIG; from selling soaps to fizzy drinks to Ilyas Bhai ki Biryani, we need Katrina Kaif and Shahrukh Khan. Second of all, if there is anyone who either matches or beats the Bollywood brigade in terms of popularity and selling goods, it is Shahid Bhai. Eat your heart out #TeamMisbah, you can never sell a plate of biryani — or murgh cholay for that matter — it is brand Afridi that does it.
PS: I wonder what numerous Lala fan girls have to say about this pairing of Shahid Afridi and Katrina Kaif by Ilyas Quraishi biryani walay.
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Photo Courtesy: Salman Jillani

that’s some love …

In most sports there are moments captured by camera which are unintentionally homoerotic. Sometime back, HuffPo profiled some such shots but most of them were from contact sports like American football, Ice hockey and wrestling where such photos are inevitable.
Here in our little, but densely populated, corner of the world, we have cricket which is a gentlemen’s game and chances of such photographs are minimal but our boys in green do not disappoint us and do provide our photographers with some gems.

Afridi is the undisputed national object of man crushes, it was but inevitable that he would get some love

But here, Yuni Bhai insists on piggy backing Akhtar …
… who in turn takes advantage of Mohammed Asif …

 

but he eventually gets crushed by SRK


PS: Though Afridi is the undisputed man crush but the one person common in all these pictures is Shoaib Akhatr, does this mean Lala faces some stiff competition in his own team? 







PPS: What’s with SRK and Pakistani cricketers, I mean seriously?

Dec 21, 2008 - Shahrukh Khan    45 Comments

Keeping ’em luscious!!

Those who know me know the ‘lack’ of affection I have for the Shahrukh Khan. I think he should come out of the closet as soon as possible and live happily ever after with Karan Johar, but such fairytale like stuff only happens in fairytales or … in Bollywood musicals. In real life, men have to play at being faithful husbands, but I digress.

Shahrukh Khan is mentioned because two of my North America dwelling friends just saw his latest film. Preeti, the temporary New Yorker, thinks the writer/director should be sued and SRK should be asked to sit at home until he promises to take on age appropriate roles with modicum of intelligence and maturity (I know, Preeti is extremely demanding and asks for the earth, moon, stars and some other planets on the side). Erum, the permanent Toronto dweller, got quite confused in his moustachioed and non moustachioed personas and lack of logic in pursuing the fake character. She was also miffed that the film assumed that women in general, and the one you are married to in particular, are so stupid that they would fall for anything and won’t use their brains – not even when the hubby started posing and dressing as a teenaged colour blind wanna be dancer who is quite obviously confused about his ‘sexual identity’. OK, I admit. Erum did not use that particular term but the homoerotic references SRK has recently made about Amir Khan’s abs made me add that one. I have not seen the film – nor do I intend to – but I just had to add that bit.

The reason I went on this spiel about SRK is that I just had to spread a special news about him. Don’t get me wrong, I have not taken on as his PR person, but I have just learned from reliable sources (through someone who has shot SRK on ad campaigns) that he wears butt pads to keep them … err luscious.

Bollywood is a lot more gender neutral than I thought.

PS: PS: There was never any intention to insult LGBTQ people in this post,but if I come across that way, I apologize. I have nothing against a person’s sexuality; rather my frustration was with someone who can create an impact by coming out, not only in India but across the globe with desi community.

Aug 27, 2007 - Shahrukh Khan, Society, USA    2 Comments

Looking for a Pakistani SRK or Obama



Shobha De recently paid to tribute to Shahrukh Khan in an Indiatimes article where she said that he is the “man with an important agenda (to save Islam and restore its tarnished glory) and not just an actor but an influential agent for change.”

She believes that he is ready to enter into the second or dual phase of a public life and become a politician. She thinks that “Shah Rukh Khan is the Neo-Mussalman India has been waiting for. He wears his religion unabashedly on his sleeve and has referred to himself as ‘an ambassador for Allah’. She also noted that over the past few years, SRK-watchers have monitored his every ‘aadab’ and ‘salaam alaikum’ at high profile events and commented that he no longer greets fans or anybody else, with the more traditional ‘namastey’. He also makes it a point to acknowledge ‘Khudaa’s’ grace and blessings, each time he is complimented, besides vociferously articulating his feelings about the misrepresentation of Islam. These sentiments are heartfelt and undoubtedly sincere. They all add up to a whole when seen in a larger, political context.

If SRK does contest an election in, say, Uttar Pradesh, he’ll win it, hands down. That’s a given. But will he, unlike some of his other film industry colleagues, succeed as a neta? Be the leader India’s young are desperately in search of? We will not know it unless he decides to take the plunge but most of us do believe that SRK has what it takes to be a 21st century politician, in the international mould. He is young, wealthy, successful and sharp. Above all, he has a dream – at least Shobha De thinks so. He is a man on a very special mission.

At this point in time, we know less about Obama, his real test would start once the Democratic Party goes into the primaries, but the significance of his announcement is tremendous, especially at this point in time when the world stand divided along every imaginable divide. SRK, on the other hand, has been around for far longer and if the US political lingo is to be followed, is thoroughly vetted. SRK, in my opinion, hardly shoots from mouth and if he ever does, he stands by it (he does not whine about journalists misinterpreting his words). His recent film “Chak de” has done a lot more for the feminist cause than many other films that wear their feminism on every dialogue and poster, yet fail to get the message across. SRK has the charisma and can inspire the youth of India in the 21st century. I have seen and met young Indians who hangs onto everything he does, it is no mean feat in any ways but it is all the more amazing in a country as big as India.

As a Pakistani, the 64 million dollar question that comes to my mind: where do we find such a leader/role model in Pakistan. Someone who has grasp on the local and international scene, who is good in his chosen field, who not only commands popularity but immense respect across board, who firmly believes in ‘nation Pakistan’ and what it entails, someone who is neither apologetic about being a Pakistani nor defensive but at the same time does not resort to nonsensical nationalism for useless political point scoring and short term gains. Sadly, we have no such home grown figures who are not only larger than life but also scandal free. The closest thing we HAD to a young(ish?) and charismatic role model(yes, the use of past tense is deliberate) was a passionate Imran Khan who, much to my utter dismay, has turned into a sad caricature of his old self. His politics is divisive and obscurantist. His invisible ‘beard’ is far longer than that of Maulana Fazlur Rehman and a lot more dangerous.

If I am asked to vote for somebody like SRK, I most probably will. After all, he is assured and bring a sense of stability after being at the top of his game for over a decade) that political scene here is crying for. The question is, will I ever get the chance to vote for someone like SRK in Pakistan???
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