Browsing "Saif Ali Khan"
Jul 25, 2012 - Saif Ali Khan    12 Comments

Bharti naari, a party girl and an aging Lothario do not make a good Cocktail


After my latest sojourn to the local cinema, I have come to the conclusion that I seriously need to move to a country where they show things besides ‘Abraham Lincoln: the Vampire Killer’, ‘Rowdy Rathore’ and something called ‘Cocktail’. 
For starters, why was the film called ‘Cocktail’? All indiscretions happened after shots, all conversation happened over a glass of red, Saif Ali Khan even competed to finish a beer bottle in one go, but NO cocktails, so why name it cocktail? It’s not like anyone was either serving or drinking them but I digress.
The film starts with Saif Ali Khan playing an Indian Lothario and wooing a flight attendant with lines so cheesy you would think you are not in a cinema but damp cheese ripening rooms. As if that was not cringe worthy enough, he continued to act like a stupid 22 year old and tried pick up lines – in Hindi – that were once used by Dev Anand in his jawani, on random gori women on the streets of London and his workplace. He tried to do the same to a certain Bharti Naari at Heathrow airport, who came all the way from India in gulabi jora, bangles and bindi to meet her husband. The husband turned out to be a scumbag who only married her for her money and wanted her to go back to India. She was a loser miskeen behen ji type with no parents and an aunt who couldn’t care less about her and one wonders why anyone would marry her for money.
Somehow the Bharti naari ended up in a club’s (or was it a restaurant, I can’t recall as I must have dozed off in the super thanda air conditioned cinema hall) restroom where a party girl played by Deepika Padukone came to her rescue. To cut a long story short, Bharti naari became a free loader at the party girl’s house and in another scene the Lothario and Party girl decided to become lovers (they said they are just having fun) and he too moved in to party girl’s house. 
A few other inanities, a crazy Punjabi mother and bumbling mama scenes later, party girl decided that she is done having fun and wants the whole works: Shadi, ghar aur bachay. While party girl has had a change of heart, the Bharti naari went on a vacation with these two, wore a short dress, had a few shots, danced a bit and wham, the Lothario falls in love with her. Even though the party girl had been doing pretty much all of it all along, the Lothario remained unaffected. But the minutes Bharti naari showed her long limbs, the dude was a goner. Even though the girl was a Bharti naari who was still married to the money hungry scumbag, she had no qualms about kissing her BFF’s boy friend – the same BFF who sheltered her, was also sponsoring her lifestyle (and perhaps her vacations). What about the bharti naari code that a wife must stick to her husband after saat pheray even if he happens to be an arse and a greedy one at that? What happened to the girl code that says that ‘thou shalt not look at your bestie’s boy friend with lovey dovey eyes?’
When the party girl finds out, she flips and the Bharti naarigoes out. The minute the bharti naari is out of this aging lothario’s life, she goes back to her old dowdy self and behenji clothes. I mean who wears floral printed corduroy cropped jackets FFS!
The scenes where the party girl begs the Lothario to marry her border on torture. Here is a friendly, free spirited, well off party girl begging a guy with too much Botox, to take her and is willing to morph into his mother’s clone for him to accept her. To make it even more puke inducing, she mouths dialogues like “Party girl (forgot what the party girl was called in the film) bhi ek normal larki hai, usko bhi pati aur ghar ka sukh chahiye.”  With lines like this, feminism goes back to the century before last.
Lothario did not have one endearing quality apart from bouts of grocery shopping and still two seemingly intelligent, beautiful women who are both taller than the Lothario fall for him. The behen ji who called him pig for being a man whore fell for him just because he said she is beautiful! I mean how easy do the Bollywood walahs think girls are, esp those who are like ten feel tall and weigh 120 pounds?  
The premise of the film was that men fall for behen ji types even when they are man whores and have slept with half the women in two metros (Delhi and London). Lothario was a slut because he had not found true love, party girl was a slut because she has abandonment issues and Bhati naari was NOT a slut because she was insecure about her looks.
I ask Bollywood one simple question: Why can’t sluts be sluts because they feel like it? Why do they have to have something deep going on? Why can’t the NOT sluts be Not sluts because they do not feel like sleeping around? Why do they have to be insecure about their looks and what not. Why can’t life be simpler and why does Saif Ali Khan use this much Botox? 
The party girl, the Lothario & Bharti naari in a not so Bharti naari-ish dress!
Apr 7, 2008 - Saif Ali Khan    No Comments

Drool fest

At the behest of my numerous friends (you know who you are), I finally managed to find three hours to spare and convinced my colleagues to go and watch “Race” this weekend. Needless to say I was disappointed.
The minute I entered the cinema, the thing that struck me was, “Dude, is this some high school gathering?” The foyer was full of teenage kids, I even asked my colleague D if we were the oldest people over there. She pointed out a few aunties standing in a corner with their daughters. It has happened with me before; I went to see Scary Movie 3 with my roomies back in UK and it turned out that we were the only people in their twenties who were stupid enough to spend 6 pounds for Scary Movie, I quite felt like an idiot. This film has a PG 13 rating in India but no such rating was awarded by our censor board and there were quite a few preteen kids watching the film on their own and with their mothers.
Anyways, the film was quite exhausting. I actually got tired after watching it, too many twists and turns in the plot, car chases, murder attempts and what not. The dress designer was snoring while he designed clothes for the ladies. They all wore similar mini skirts despite being in very different professions (there was a model, an executive assistant to a CEO, and a police wali). Katrina Kaif’s Blue dress in a dance number was a horrendous Las Vegas’ show girl cast off; no wonder Saif Ali Khan refused to take up her offer of ‘touch me, kiss me’.
Akshay Khanna’s hairy chest was a little too much for my sensibilities. It reaffirmed my belief that metro sexuality is the best way to be for men. If women can get hot wax poured over their bodies, so can men. Someone need to tell Bipasha Basu that she cannot stay in the same posture if she wants to be called an actress. All she do is stand with her shoulders pulled back, chest stuck out and tummy sucked, ready to preen. It might work in modeling but acting requires a lot more than that. Oh no, actually it does not. She has been doing it for quite some time and getting away with it. Anil Kapoor’s dialogues were full of crass double entendre and were in really bad taste. His character was based on Ellen DeGeneres’s character in Goodbye Lover. Did I forget to mention the fact that the film was lifted from “Goodbye Lover?” The screen writer/director replaced a more mundane white collar environment of an ad agency with a stud farm (perhaps so that they can show Saif Ali Khan riding horses and a hot & steamy scene in the stables) and bended the gender of the detective (Ellen DeGenress played the role played by Anil Kapoor) but they remain loyal to the story otherwise.
The only redeeming factor – read person – in the film was Saif Ali Khan. What eye candy!!! I am yet to see a desi man looking this good in a suit. Ladies, it’s a total drool fest with Saif, go watch it if you have not already done that. Its totally worth it.
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