Dec 23, 2014 - Humour, Pakistan    No Comments

Fighting terrorism, one naan bread at a time

tandoor choi nisar

People who criticize Pakistan’s counter terrorism policy were in for a shock when, in a bold move, the interior minister of the country announced the very innovative Tandoor Surveillance Counter Terrorism Strategy.

Yes, Choi Nisar wants his countrymen to keep an eye on anyone buying more than 50 naans. The strategy was not as well received as it was expected. However, it was later revealed that according to some intelligence reports that the home ministry was privy to, the terrorists buy naans in bulk and the figure of 50 naans as a bench mark was put forth after much analyses.

Following this news, it is reported that there has been a bit of excitement around the country’s many thousands of tandoors and people are either altering their eating habits or they are altering their naan buying ways in order to accommodate the ruling.

One worried looking customer at Indus Biryani was found arguing with the proprietor over the rates. When asked, he said that he had a going away party for his mother in law at his residence, after finding out about the Naan limit of under fifty, he changed the menu from salan and naan combo to pulao and biryani dishes, but Biryani proprietors are now asking twice the price if someone is looking to buy a Deg without prior order. “I just wanted to celebrate the fact that my mother in law is finally leaving, but I never wanted to shell out this much money.” He added and then eventually paid the inflated biryani prices to avoid Choi Nisar’s tandoori wrath.

Another family living in Bhati Gate area had to come up with innovative ways to buy naan. With 27 family members, getting 50 naans or above was an everyday occurrence for them, but now they cannot do it without alerting the authorities. Since the announcement, they either send two kids with separate orders or send the same kid twice. The mothers in that large joint family are not happy with the situation and believe that all the teen age boys tasked with buying naans at the local tandoor may boycott because of increased trips to the naan shop.

Another family living in Model Town was just as annoyed with this new tandoor surveillance system. “It looks like Choi Sahab has never been to a dawat hosted by Butts, otherwise he would never put the cap on just 50 naans.”

The Police has also been active with the flurry of activity around the tandoors. Several people have reported that their neighbours or relatives have bought more than 50 naans. While some cases were authentic, quite a few were false. In one case, counting revealed that only 49 naans were bought, however a neighbour told the police that the boy who brought the naans did buy 50 naans, he just ate one on the way home. Some social science researchers now want to probe that what it is about the number 50 that makes people buying 50 naans unsafe and people buying 49 naans a non-threatening okay.

Some people are considering launching a naan related civil disobedience. Even though they have small families and not that many naan eaters at home, they are going to tandoors en masse and order 100 or more naans to rebel against the executive order of the interior minister.

All Pakistan Tandoor federation is considering filing a constitutional petition against the Interior minister. The federation believes that this attack on tandoor business has nothing to do with fighting terrorism but it is to support the newly launched Biryani chain owned by the relatives of the interior minister.

There are some forces in the country who hailed this announcement. “Have you ever waited in line to buy 2 naans when all the four men in front of you have the order of 30 naans or above?” asked an agitated customer at in front of a Tandoor in Tariq Road Karachi. “No one used to pay heed to customers buying less than 10 naans before, but after this decree, single men who only buy two naans have become valued customers,” he responded with glee.

If Tandoori counter terrorism techniques are successful in Pakistan, chances are that other countries may replicate the same model and Pakistani government would be able to drum up some serious business in fighting terrorism, one naan bread at a time.

tandoor

Naans and tandoors dominated the social media trends in Pakistan after the announcement

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