Last evening on my way back home, I overheard two very stylish girls in the subway discussing Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s divorce. Celebrity gossip is something I am not interested in (unless someone is bitching about Angelina Jolie and as I am kind of a fan girl, I usually jump in to defend her, but I digress) so I could not muster enough enthusiasm to be really sad or outraged about it. All I did was wonder if Chris Martin would write some good songs inspired by divorce, loneliness, happiness (I would be happy if I don’t have to see Paltrow everyday) or hopes of finding new love. The other two very personable girls were outraged at the instability or fleetingness of the ephemeral emotion called love. Honestly, they were married for like ten years which is a really long time, I would not call that fleeting or ephemeral but I digress again.
Like any urban dweller with a smart phone, I updated my facebook status saying that the only thing I could care about is future song writing of Chris Martin and if it makes me a terrible person.
My friend AK, who lives in England and is probably more exposed to them commented with “I am more interested in what self-help crap she will write in Goop. I am guessing the next issue will carry posts like ‘How veganism and personalised napkins helped me cope with divorce’.”
I googled that because I had no idea what goop was and boy, was I in for something or what. I realized that there was a reason why I’ve always hated Gwenyth and I kinda felt validated. Her divorce announcement on goop was titled ‘conscious uncoupling’ along with a 2k word thing interspersed with words like esoteric, self love, self forgiveness and wholeness by two doctors on conscious coupling. I think I barf a little in my mouth at that ‘oh so conscious pretentiousness’. Is there an uncoupling that is unconscious – unless you are divorced by your spouse in absentia or while you were comatose – most people go through the uncoupling process rather consciously and carefully, with paying lawyers fee and dividing their assets and children and dogs and whatnot! AK found it funny and thought it should be a hashtag.
I literally spent my evening going through random shit (mostly her journal) on goop. I mean I ate frozen pizza instead of cooking fresh food because it was so bad that I just could not get away and actually risked my health by this constant spike in my blood pressure. In one post she talked about hating London winters and how she wanted to be in California and in another she bitched about lack of culture in USA and how she longed to be back in Europe where people talk about art, history and culture. As someone who has actually lived in three European countries and has friends who are fairly intelligent and talk about philosophy just for kicks, this is pure bull crap. People in Europe, just like everywhere else in the world mostly talk about things like workplace woes, their mothers-in-law, Beyoncé, football (real football, not the North American version), cheap booze and where to get cheap booze and of course tinder dates. Yes, people talk about art, history and culture but then people do that in USA, China and every other goddamned country, it is NOT exclusive to Europe. (I would have been even more pissed had I been a European, I mean lumping all the countries in one big dump – as if Lithuanians, Hungarians, Italians and Dutch can be lumped together as one group of people). There are a million other such gems on goop, check them out at your own risk – or don’t if you value your sanity.
I have liked Coldplay most of the times but I am so judging Chris Martin now for sticking to THAT for ten long years. I would also judge Paltrow for naming her website goop but I won’t because it is so appropriate.
PS: Yes, I abused exclamation marks but hey, it is that kind of post. Judge me if you must, my twitter bio is very clear about my tendency to abuse punctuation marks.