Jul 19, 2012 - Punjab, Punjab Assembly    7 Comments

The absolute mindfuckery of Punjab Assembly

Earlier today, my faith is restored in the absolute mindfuckery of a premier legislative institution called Punjab Assembly. The Punjab law minister Rana Sanaullah decided to go all Charles Darwin on its electorate and presented a bill which declares that an ostrich is no longer a bird but an animal. More mind boggling is the fact that Punjab assembly decided to play God and passed the bill declaring all the ostriches in Punjab to be animals. Now that the ostriches have been declared animals, I am wondering how Rana Sanaullah will coax them into giving birth to tiny little baby ostriches instead of laying eggs like they used to when they were birds. If they continue to lay eggs, would the ostriches be breaking the law by acting like birds when they are declared animals by legislation? Would they be persecuted for breaking the law? Would that crime be punishable by law? Would Azad Adliya take a stand on upholding the law or would it bow down to animal rights activists? I am assuming ostriches in other provinces of the country will remain birds and would be allowed to act as birds which will probably generate some kind of identity crisis and inferiority complex among the ostriches living under the rule of Rana Sanaullah.
I have a feeling that Rana Sanaullah must have had some ostrich meat delicacy during his several trips abroad. He sensed that a market can be created for it so have decided to farm the animal in Pakistan. Tragedy was that as long as they remain the bird, ostriches were protected by the section- 14 of the Punjab Wildlife (Protection, Preservation, Conservation and Management) Act, 1974. Now that Rana Sb has amended the law – against the advisement of the governor and opposition members – to suit his business interests, the only thing that can save the Ostriches in Punjab from the slaughterhouses, is cross province migration.  
Maybe Rana Sanaullah just wants to ride one?
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  • I was laughing when i read how the Ostriches are to be classified as animals and not birds in our awesome scientific country, but then my smile died quickly as i kept reading on and imagining ostriches, skinned and hanging at our butchers. money grubbing beyond restoration of faith indeed.

  • lolz.. Tazeen you’re dead on there. What a law and what an article.

    Loved the little piece. 🙂

  • I don’t understand. Are birds animals? I think they are.
    If you go see wikipedia’s page on ostrich, it says right there in the ‘scientific classification’ section.

    Phylum chordata, Kingdom animalia.

    They didn’t classify it a mammal, did they? That would have been a shame.

    Ostrich was and is an animal.It’s college science.

  • Hilarious piece. I was literally laughing out loud throughout the entire post. Ostriches of Punjab desperately need a long march.

  • You must think it’s easy being the god of names . . .
    Dirty work, but somebody’s gotta do it. (wink)

  • excellent…..
    As poultry king Hamza Shahbaz was not enough, Javeria Shahbaz’s husband is the new meat magnet of Punjab.

  • Assalam o alikum . I read your article for the first time, wonderful. I think that Punjab Govt future investments should be stopped.

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