Sep 27, 2011 - rant, religion    17 Comments

Imran Khan’s spiritual experiences and my nani’s psychic abilities

Though I have no intention of either buying or reading Imran Khan’s book “Pakistan – A personal History” the translated excerpts published in the Sunday Magzine of Daily Express are pure gold and a highly recommended read (could not find the link despite looking for ages – their website is a total nightmare btw). Among other godlike protestations of greatness from the book, Express carried a boxed piece titled “Roohani Tajurbat” which details Imran Khan’s spiritual experiences.
As Imran Khan was uber awesome at everything, he was an early starter in experimenting with spiritual experiences as well and has had his very first spiritual experience at age 14 – and no, I am not talking about that kind of experiences. Khan saab recalls that he was going through a period of doubt when his mother’s pirni paid them a visit.  Imran Khan did not finish the requisite Nazra Quran lessons (every Muslim child must finish Quran at least once under the guidance of a quran teacher who can teach them how to recite Quran in Arabic). Although most Muslims can read and recite Quran, they cannot understand the language, but I digress. Anyways, the pirini ji who had not even looked at Khan – she observed purdah with a 14 year old boy as well – told Khan’s mother that her child has not finished his nazra lessons. The pirni ji, who did not trust the 14 year old Khan enough to not observe purdah with him, then told his mother that she should not worry about it. According to the aforementioned pirni ji, even though Khan was adept at lying to his parents at the ripe old age of 14 (he not only lied about finishing the recitation lessons of Quran, he even got the man of God – the Nazra teacher to lie on his behalf), he still is a “naik rooh” (pure soul) and will eventually turn out to be a great guy (if Pirni ji was that great a psychic, she should have known what a ‘legen – wait for it – dary’ play boy this naik rooh turned out to be, but I digress again).
This is not the only “spiritual” incident the excerpts in Express’ Sunday Magazine carried. Everyone he had met only predicted greatness and more greatness for the great Immy K. Let me reiterate that I have not read the book but if the excerpts are anything to go by, I wonder why any sane person would ever want to spend their hard earned money on narcissist ranting of a man who is probably sad and lonely and was probably high as a kite when he wrote that book.
My dear departed nani made similar predictions about me, but do I ever take them seriously – only when I am high on cough syrup. Do I plan to write them all in an autobiography, hell no. But then, I am an ordinary person who sadly has no illusions of grandeur, either about herself or her Nani’s psychic abilities.
As I could not find the link, I decided to take a picture of the said piece
Oh and before I sign off, let me just say this. Roohani tajurbat, my %&^(*@#*&!
Clip to Evernote

17 Comments

  • Why bother reviewing excerpts from a book you have not read? Writing about how he lied to his parents as a teenager must be very satisfying for you, unfortunately it’s also a waste of time. Every child lies to his parents at one point or another to escape punishment. I suggest you get back on the cough syrup ASAP. You may not have ‘illusions of grandeur’ (not least because there is no such condition) but you certainly have ‘delusions of grandeur’ if you think anyone will be interested in reading your autobiography. Ciao.

  • Pindi se bus kis time nikle gi?

  • Seriously, if this poor soul ever becomes the president of Pakistan, he may as well have his name added to the national anthem, which in itself would be a case of double irony.

  • PTI fanboy aka Anon1 dude,

    I will buy Tazeen’s autobiography any day. The fact that you read her blog and comment on it is a testament that you too find her engaging.

  • Imran Khan was one of the greatest cricketer produced by Pakistan. But in politics and life he is a confused person.

  • Bonjour Tazeen,

    All your story centered around this “pirini ji” but even Google Translate could not help. They said it is Malay language or a retired decathlete from New Zealand.

    So please translate and tell me if this is Urdu or Sindi or what.

    As to the Koran, do you really mean that all those people learn stretches out of this book without understanding it because it was written in Medieval Arabic?

    Georg

    • Muslims believe the Qor’an was dictated to Mohammed by Allah himself in Arabic. Since the Holy Book is considered the revealed Word of Allah, it is by definition perfect, immutable, and untranslatable. Therefore, Muslims, regardless of their native language, do learn to recite the Qor’an in Arabic, whether they understand the language or not. If you read a translation of the Book, you will notice that they never mention the word “translation”, but refer to the rendering of the text in other languages as “the meaning of the Holy Qor’an. (FYI: Although I am not Muslim, I have lived for over 30 years in the Islamic World, so you pick up a lot of info about the religion along the way.)

  • Georg,

    Pirni is a female high priestess who probably have some kind of spiritual/psychic abilities. Ji is addition that is used for respect in both India and Pakistan. If you want to pay respect to anyone, just add ji to their names. Good thing about it is that it works for both males and females.

    Yes, all Muslims do learn how to read quran even though they dont understand it. There are so many young kids you learn the book by heart and can beautifully recite any passage from quran but they do not really understand it. It probably sounds super weird to others but it is quite an acceptable practice among most Muslim majority societies.

    Anon 1,

    thanks a lot for your comments. Please tell other PTI fanboyz an girls to visit my blog.

  • FaNb0iZ r0x. Lulz.

    Seriously though, what a country, Pakistan. I know most of the people who’d like to buy this book are also the ones who’ll most likely believe every single word. Collectively, we’re an advertiser’s dream; we’ll buy anything once.

    Fanboy: “Hazrat Imran ‘The Messiah’ Khan (R.A.) are you awesome?”
    Imran Khan: “Yes.”
    Fanboy: “ImR@N Kh@n r0x! Lulz.”

  • Dear darling Taz, you’re hating.

  • yea it’s kinda funny that when people begin to learn Arabic, they’re made fun of for being Arab-wannabes and for being overtly obsessed with Arabic. When they recite prayers and verses in Arabic and read the translation, they’re again made fun of for not learning the language.
    Secondly, people’s past and believes are a forbidden zone for us so long as it’s not Ik’s past.

    -Not an IK fan.

  • Oh I do wish you would tell us about your Nani’s predictions! And thank you Georg for asking the question, I was wondering that myself… Great read as usual and write that autobiography, I’d read it 🙂

  • @Tazeen

    (((Yes, all Muslims do learn how to read quran even though they dont understand it. There are so many young kids you learn the book by heart and can beautifully recite any passage from quran but they do not really understand it))))

    Nonsense, gibberish.Where the hell have u pulled this out from?Do u want kids to learn more islamiyaat and how to spank their “would be wives”? Well, don’t take me wrong, i m all for wife spanking but as a grown up Muslim feminist(alhamdulillah) i know how to make it both spirtually and physically pleasurable for the fairer sex.

    Anyway, the fact of the matter is that most muslims are too well versed in their religion. They know more about islam than the pope knows about christianity and the one legged syphilitic whore knows about sex. We Muslims are painfully educated in religion.

    All of us know about Khalid bin walid, bin Qasim, Tarib bin ziyad, badr, khandaq and khyber etc.muslims are well educated about islam more so than the average hindu who cant tell his brother from the elephant nosed god and the christian who cant tell gospel of john from gospel of porn.

    Well,coming back to imran khan’s journey from ‘imbibing wine’ at night clubs to ‘imbibing bhang’ at sarkar bari imam.well, sometimes, imran khan’s anti-secular anti-west rhetorics do scare the dengue outta me but then his support for people like ghamdi does give me hope that like ghamdi he will dillute islam to the point when its not a whole lot different than MY religion.Now the revelation of his teenage affair with peerni ji further proves that his vesrion of islam is much closer to the one i FOLLOW. I actually love this peeri mureedi kinda islam.It offers u a lot fun, halwa,jalebi and free bhang.Sweetness is going out of islam, its a bitter fruit now.We desparately need to be bhung-up though its really doubtfull it can happen anytime soon.

    Verily, we are fucked.

  • every Pakistani expat I talk to has this dreamy look in his eyes whenever he talks about IK. it is funny.
    I guess the 1992 WC win has left a deep impact on these people, who were probably school going kids then.
    the kiddish infatuation with the cornered tiger hasn’t worn off yet.

  • @Abdul Manan:
    The same ‘peeri mureedi kinda Islam’ that does this?

    ‘Holy’ castration…what’s next?

  • @ Forbidden Fruit, LOL, I loved your comment.

  • Imran khan is the best leader of Pakistan. I like him very much as a cricketer and politician .

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