I mean seriously.
I have no respect for people who either try to live off their siblings or try to get famous because of their siblings. Ordinarily, no one would’ve hired Atif Aslam’s brother to wash their windows. But because his brother is a pop star, he not only gets to keep 10% of his famous sibling’s endorsement deals and croon earnings as an agent, he also has a clothing store where he sells over priced clothes that will make everyone look like a sad clown.
This is not a new phenomenon. Those of you who were old enough to remember Junoon from 1990s would
probably able to recall Salman Ahmed’s Wall Streetiya bhai who would get his pictures taken with every Bollywood celebrity and then plaster them on Junoon website. I swear, the wall streetiya bhai had more pictures of him on the website schmoozing Shahrukh Khan than Ali Azmat and O’Connel put together! And they were the actual band members.
These days, there is a new trend. You can get your own fifteen minutes of fame by writing a piece or making a documentary titled “My Brother the Islamist” or “My Brother the bomber.” All you need to do is follow your newly converted reverted brother with a camera and he will gladly tell you all about some of the legendary prejudices like how good Muslims only shake hands with them infidels with the hand with which they wipe their arse and how dawah is their one true calling.
Sadly, I don’t have a brother who is either a pop star or have done time in Gitmo enjoying the famed US hospitality. My brother is just as lazy as I am. While I waste my life away tweeting about the more exciting lives of others, he wastes his life by religiously tuning in to Kamran Khan Show every night.
The lack of a fanatic past on my brother’s part has rendered all my plans of becoming rich and famous futile, but there are some lucky bastards who can make some serious dough by virtue of having a famous sibling.
The books and articles that I will gladly read would be by:
- A book by Mian Shahbaz Sharif on sexcapades (both the successful and attempted ones) of his older brother, former prime minister, iPhone lover and almost Ameerul Momineen Mian Nawaz Sharif sahab. Now would not shell out top dollar to read that. If Kim Barker can make money out of it, why cant chote mian sahib?
- A letter to Oprah by Osama Bin laden’s sister about how being the 17th child destroyed OBL’s chances of living a happy fulfilling life. She may get a book deal after that. The foreword of that book will be written by Dr. Phil of course. The title of the book will be “The 17th Child syndrome.”
- A picture book by any sibling of Chaudhry Nisar Ali filled with his pictures without the toupee.
- Sister of Salman Butt: Who would not want to read what kind of jahez she bought with the 50,000 pounds recovered from Salman Butt’s room after the spot fixing fiasco. He said that he saved that money for his sister’s dowry. Bhai ho tau aisa…