Mar 20, 2010 - religion, sex    26 Comments

Halal Kink

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Last time I was in Netherlands, I indulged in some serious blitzkrieg tourism, which was very exciting but did not leave me much time to actually notice the life in this little corner of the world. This time, my stay is for a much longer period so I do other mundane things like getting on a tram to go to work, buying grocery and cursing weather like locals do (have had just two and half sunny days in past few months). During this trip, I have more time to look around and see things as they are and among the things I noticed was the fact that for a population of 15 million people (that is less people than just the city of Karachi) they have an abnormally high number of sex shops.

Now, before you decide to pack your bags and move here, let me tell you that they don’t sell ‘sex’ in the shops per se (although that too is legalized here along with soft drugs), they do however sell everything else related to sex, be in performance enhancing drugs, risqué lingerie, toys, videos, fetish and bondage products and what not. It’s not just the big cities like Amsterdam, Rotterdam (my home for a few weeks) or Den Haag where you can find these sex shops; tiny places like Beverwijk and Haarlem also have their fair share of stores selling kinky products. Not only these shops are in every town and city, they are also everywhere. In Rotterdam, you can take your kids for their McDonald’s fix and can browse in the sex shop in the same alley while they are waiting for their fries & coke or you can hop in to a coffee shop for some Hollandse Appeltaart near the university and find a shop selling kinky inflated life sized dolls next door.

Last night when I heard out about the first online Islamic sex shop, two thoughts sprang up instantaneously. First was how will a Islamic sex shop be different from any other regular sex shops and the second was that somehow someone Dutch had to be involved in it and I was right. Abdelaziz Aouragh is a Dutch Muslim of Moroccan origins and his webshop, El Asira, will start selling stuff exclusively for Muslims from this weekend.

Aouragh is a smart businessman, even before he started his business, he turned to a local imam for approval who sought guidance from another scholar in Saudi Arabia and found out that as long as products are halal and are meant to help sex within marriage, it’s all good. Heck, there is even a fatwa supporting that. I personally have no issues with people using whatever they want as long as it is consensual, but how in the God’s good name do you find out about whether a sex product is halal or not. Who will you go to find that edible lingerie is halal and a red-hot puppy mask is not? Would the halal search engine devote a special section on Halal kink and tell you which kinky shit you do is halal and which one is not? How the person who is selling the stuff online will find out whether the product he is selling is for sex within marriage, outside the marriage, with humans or with goats. What makes this shop halal and the other shops haraam? Is it the Arabic name or the fact that it is owned by an Abdelaziz rather than a Rutherford or a Cohen?

I am all for innovative entrepreneurship but dragging religion into everything just makes it more of a laughing stock and I think we have had enough of it. Be as twisty and crazy as you want, just don’t seek validation form a religious scholar for being that way. Making it religiously acceptable only takes the kink out of kinky and makes it mainstream.

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26 Comments

  • thanks Tazeen ….that was short but an “Eye Opener” ….

  • I agree, we have made Islam a total business….for everything we can drag it and get a fatwa as well for authenticity.

    Aarghhh…now where are those molvi/scholars who tell people that double bed is haram because it wasn’t there in time of Prophet Muhammad SAWW

  • always. zee best. =)

    • Ben jij Annie of Ans?… de dame die de dames als moeder begeleid?… zo ja complimenten… je doet het goed!

  • The only thing left now is probably halal porn. eheh.

  • That was quite interesting..

    I wonder though is it a halal thought in the first place to debate whether a business like this can be halal or not? And he certainly would have had to compare products and other ways to know what is halal or not ye? So that makes it not halal in the first place..

    But good education for the not so informed mortals in this part of the world..

  • Very interesting post! Though didn’t surprise me much as I had some idea about it! 🙂

    So after ‘Punk Islam’ is ‘Kink Islam’ the new hip term?

  • Annie,

    the day is not far when you will have access to halal porn courtesy some business minded mullah.

    Ayesha,

    Nah, I am the proud coiner of the term Halal Kink.

  • A halaal sex shop? Surely that must be an oxymoron… lol

  • I agree with Annie, “The only thing left now is probably halal porn”.

  • LOL.

    Shameful, I say.

    Sound more like religious kink than sexual kink. Huh.

    Kisses.

  • As long as you are engaging in the activity without any lustful thoughts, I guess, that would make it sanctified…
    Bur really…

  • http://artkapakistan.wordpress.com/2010/03/21/relevant-database/

    Maybe the types who need to know all the rules before they do anything need marital aids more than anyone else.

  • i <3 shoppin. what did you get?

  • Lol! I guess people are starting to realize the vast entrepreneurial capacity in exploiting the religious zealotry of idiots! I’m quite amused – serves the morons well 😉

  • The Dutch halal wacko guys explains that in the same article..what differentiate his from normal sex shop…no devices for masturbation..i.e.vibrators,blowup dolls and dildos..
    A sex shop without vibrators is wierd.. 😛

  • Will halal kink show up in the halal search engine? 😉

    Cheer,

    Quirky Indian

  • Anyway religion (with a small ‘r’) is about people feeling better about themselves without actually getting better; this is just another step in that direction. And if it makes money for a creative entrepreneur, I am all for it. Devout Muslim customers will no longer have to feel guilty or ashamed about using kink as long as it is ‘halal kink.’

  • that is such an oxymoron like Islamic Fashion – I fail to understand how two extremes can be bought so close together

    for those who will argue – Islam says no contouring – Fashion keeps pushing contour and highlighting em … so which way is it?

  • its not as confusing as we make it ourselves…getting a fatwa just confuses it a bit… they should think a little further on the repercussions of a fatwa also… dont know what to think or say…

    since I can live without indulging further into this… I will…do exactly that… live without indulging further…

  • Hey it’s a free country damnit!

    People should have the liberty to be as religiously neurotic as their heart desires.

    And we ought to be free to mock them as much as our egos desire!

    May the slaves of Allah always be free from tyranny upon their minds!

  • Hi Tazeen… what made you change the header?

  • Obviously a brain child of some “modern Muslim” like you who seek “certification” of Islam for every filth.

    So what did you buy for yourself?

  • i’m sure someone up there would be wondering or prolly laughing at the stuff we humans come up wid 😛

  • is this the only business opportunity we got… yeah agree with concept of Halal Porn… huh …

    ppl like Aouragh using religion just for the sake of business. huh…

  • Sigh! This is farcical.

    Rightly, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, when number of muslims would be more than ever but still the nation would suffer deadly hazards.

    Where did go the true people of Islam?

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