Feb 28, 2010 - rant, women    45 Comments

Desi men and pick up lines

There is something galactically wrong with Desi men when it comes to interaction with beautiful women they are not related to. Most men, in general, have not mastered the art of coming up with a perfect pick up line, but desi men take the cake in uttering the most inane and at times downright stupid pick up lines. I can actually write a whole book about nauseating lines I have heard in my lifetime but the latest one takes the cake.

There is a beautiful blonde woman I work with and she was down with flu. When she came back after the weekend, I asked her about the state of her health. While we were talking, there was an Indian gentleman (who was properly introduced to us earlier) eavesdropping on our conversation and after I left, he went up to her and inquired about her health. She thanked him for his concern said she was feeling much better. For lack of anything else to talk about but also wanting to hang on to the conversation, the Indian guy – out of nowhere – asked her if she was constipated. Seriously! I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and looked at how was the girl responding? She, for obvious reasons, gave that guy a weird look, and walked on.

He actually was a normal person with no obvious stalker like tendencies but he managed to repel that girl is one minute straight. I mean seriously, what is wrong with desi men?


Clip to Evernote


  • Maybe he wasn’t trying to pick her up?

  • No, I too am not constipated… just in case someone too is wondering…

    Speaking of, is there someone out there who cares about MY regularity? I wonder…


  • Desi men have only one problem that they try too hard to impress/befriend/pick up a woman!
    Desperation perhaps! šŸ™‚

    As for the constipate line: that was plain stupid and sort of ill-mannered.

  • It’s not just the grooming that is the issue here, it’s more of these self constructed social restrictions we have on ourselves.

    Talking to a woman for more than three sentences would not only provoke ridicule from fellow males, but women to would stereotype him has a ‘desperado’, or ‘tharki’ or ‘londa’. (Peer pressure)

    Honestly speaking, there are some really nice guys and gals out there that are just to scared to come out of their shell. I can play the game very well, then again I know I am dealing with a person just like me but with a different facade.

  • He gets points for being original( if discussing people’s innards is genuine). Most desi men manage to repel women by trying to talk. Its just how they open their mouths that ruins everything!

  • And yeah, most women have this gora-brown complex, so they are just hopeless cases. In that case, if you can’t take such people, I’d recommend desi-men to do some background check on a desi-chick before approaching her.

  • Phil,

    Oh he was trying very hard. I was there, I know.


    There you go talking about insecurities of White women. As far as young people are concerned, Europeans are far less concerned about the color of your skin as desi and Asian people are. Anyone would walk away if the other person seems to interested in your bowel movement.

    • Good point; even if this dude works in a healthcare, small-talk about body functions, forget the bowel, is off the charts and a shrill dweeb-alert. Completely clueless.

  • And he said, “[I] asked her if she was constipated.”

    And I was like, “Dude?! WTF?”

    Yeah, I have to agree, asking about constipation was not a very charismatic of him.


  • Tazeen,

    Agreed with the general thrust of the rant, but this was a rather weak example. Also agree that young europeans view the colour of skin with lesser negativity than earlier.

    Infact, desi mean should use it as a USP. Also should shut the hell up and listen. instead of trying to trying to talk – make your own style they say.

  • That was the best pick up line I have ever heard..lol…I should try it sometime at the bar when white women give me that strange look (cause of my middle eastern looks). At that moment they look constipated to me.

    Whatever i think its original. I’m dying of laughing…thanks tazeen-tazeen.

  • reminds me of the ‘cheque please’ guy Sanjeev Bhaskar plays in Goodness Gracious Me. It’s the Desi guys who fall in unrequited love that are more troubling. Not really a hardcore Freudian, but isn’t it all about the ridiculous mother love.

  • Reza is actually spot on with his observations about the social restrictions. A young man who walks up to girls at a wedding will be labeled a desperado; a young girl who is seen chatting with guys will be labeled brash. Not everywhere,but often enough for it to be restrictive, often enough for many guys and girls to think twice.

    And why create a stereotype, Tazeen? I have respect for your opinions and experiences but they cannot be used to issue generalizations like ‘desi men take the cake in….’

    You might have heard a hundred thousand nauseating pick up lines in your lifetime, but I would bet any average girl in NYC or London has too – far worse and far more direct probably. And they don’t come from an environment where gender communication is as limited as it is in Pakistan. I don’t know the background of this Indian guy you mentioned, but it’s a reasonable guess that he grew up in a very different environment from the one where the concept of pickup lines (and the standards of judging them) came from. Most ‘desi guys’ don’t grow up watching Friends, don’t know what ‘wingman’ means….I can go on and on. But you get the gist.

    ‘..what is wrong with desi men?’

    Like I said, firstly I don’t agree with the way you generalize so easily, and secondly, for the socially inept ones you are talking about, it is far more likely that they are ignorant rather than stupid. Their ignorance is not (in most cases) their fault. Don’t blame them for it.

    I mean, what if this Indian guy just has a language barrier and didn’t translate ‘tabiyat kharab hai/pet kharab hai’ properly? Shayad is ko bohot achi angraizi aati ho aur woh waqai buddhu ho. Magar sab to nahin hain!

  • eh? doesnt sound like a pickup line to me. it probably dint come out right.

  • Hillarious.
    A similar problem with language. I was walking my little pup, when this guy with a stylishly accented English asked im if it was a ‘stray dog’. I politely asked him if he did not see the leash. he said, ‘that is fine but is it a stray dog?’ The conversation went on for 3-4 such cycles, with me taking more offence on the question everytime. I realized later that the guy wanted to know the pup’s pedigree. Poor English with the put-on accent did him in.
    You can’t generalize, based on this though, that all desis are rude and offensive.

  • What a pathetic Nerd!
    Why the hell, these guys go hard on girls? 99% No? okay, 90% of south asian men are rushing behind chicks all the time and finding themselves in absolute shit!

    • Too funny ā€” and true.

  • he seriously said THAT???

  • its actually a common affliction…if u feel ure gonna not make the cut…u do something to fulfill that prophecy…same reason why people if they look down a cliff will probably fall, cause the fear of falling has set in…

    but the girl wasn’t witty either…she didnt retort back…”not me, but your small talk definitely is :P”

    ofcourse the smiley doesn’t imply she would have shown him her tongue šŸ˜›

  • Tazeen,
    You did not do justice to this post. The title seemed interesting but the post was not even close. I am sure you can do better than that. As far as Desi men and pick up lines go, Nabeel is right. White, blondes or not, Not white, pretty or not, must have heard all kinds of stupid lines from all kinds of clueless men, desi or not. Its all non sense anyway. Desi guys are actually generally more shy and often times they don’t even try. Poor desi is already suffering with sheer low self esteem.

  • lol..give him a break yaar…i think he meant to ask if she has been consummated..

  • LOL… I wish someone would tell that to him that this is not good pickup line. He probably thought he was showing himself as a concerned being and a genuine friend. He will probably try that line again.

    Now you know why arranged marriage is so popular!

  • i am constipated now.. :P…LOL

  • Oh my God. i am in splits. What was he thinking?

  • Maybe it’s English that fell short. Could he have meant “congestion”? Did you meet him and ask what the hell he meant? Or, perhaps it’s none of your “business”. Moreover, you wouldn’t have the ammunition to write of your virtuous high ground here.

  • Why did you NOT ask him what he meant? I guess that is the difference between journalism and blogging. The same freedom of expression is also its own curse …

  • I am the in one of above postings. I meant, “Maybe it’s HIS English…” Also, when I said, “It’s none of our business”, the implication (or assumption) was that you might come back with a “it’s not my business to poke him about his stupidity.” or some such snobbery. I’m a South Indian male and would readily admit there are some issues, yes. What I find ironic – if not macabre – about the sociology of the sexes in South Asia is that despite being so male-dominated, there is such a strong mother-influence (I almost said mother-fixation but that might not be true). The boy doesn’t “leave” mother until very late and even after he does, she still reigns supreme. Because fathers (generally) tend to be autocratic, egotistical, indifferent, aloof, or all of those, amma is still the security blanket. And, who sustains this umbilical connection, who cherishes and pampers the boy child more? Mother. That is not to absolve the male or pin it all on the mother; that is not say he is a victim or beyond blame at all. But that is so. And as for how the South Asian male attracts the ridicule of supposedly thinking women, I have the question the empathy to their other halves, if not the depth of thinking. @lankrita’s profile says she “thinks therefore writes” (or something like that). But if you read her statement here, you’ll see how dubious that is. Anyway, it would be great help indeed if you – as the blog’s owner, initiator of this thread, and hopefully one with a conscience – would ask this person in your office what he meant. If nothing, it might just absolve your father of a little culpability. Cheers

    The name is Ram by the way…

  • I googled @lankr1ta and found that this person is focused entirely on women’s issues. That’s not a bad thing at all and, i fact, I was surprised to find many of her comments were thoughtful, rational, and balanced. But, I find it hard to reconcile that impression with what I get from her comment here: “Most desi men manage to repel women by trying to talk. Its just how they open their mouths that ruins everything!” Really? Just in Atlanta or all of North America or all over the world? Just the PIGs or even ABCDs? Your dad too? I wonder how your son would turn up -if the poor bast* is that unlucky to wind up in your womb. Will he have the exclusivity of your fiery intellect, your passion? Will you nurse him on your favorite Lifetime channel? Now, have I ruined everything for you yet? šŸ™‚

  • I agree with Anonymous Ram (!?!): it’s good idea to ask that bloke what he meant before jumping on the “all desi males are &**%$%^” roll. As for your comments, @lanr1ta, they are disappointing coming someone as accomplished, prolific, and Educated as you. Is that what you teach your your women students – that most desi men talk rot when they open their mouths? Isn’t it somewhat like the stereotypes such as “Most Biharis are stupid and cheats”, “Most fat people are lazy”, “Most Texans are loud rednecks”, “If you study or teach in Austin, you oughta be smarter than if you did those in rinky dinky Arlington”….and so on?

  • I think the guy was trying to ask her something else, but instead he said something that he wasn’t really sure about. Not all men are out there to get some..

  • Haha! Maybe the guy had a faulty idea of what exactly constipation is or perhaps it was the only name of an illness he came up with at that precise moment šŸ˜€
    Anyway, whatsoever be it, it’s quite amusing nonetheless šŸ˜€

  • Hehe, this guy was even worse than me! At least I don’t ask leading questions. Lady should get the opportunity to talk as much as possible. šŸ˜‰

  • i really didnt know that too was a way to pick up

    veri word : fulingit {sounds awesome} hehe

  • According to Wiki a Desi is an immigrant from Asia. Hope this is right.

    Your post shows that it is not sufficient to have learned English, use a cellphone and to wear a tie to behave like a European.


  • Ok that means you are pretty! He was actually showing off his concern for you in an indirect way by offending that blonde?

  • hah! he obviously didn’t fully understand the implications of asking about constipation.

  • you’re as racist as Imran Khan for throwing the term ‘desi’..

  • You really wanna know what’s wrong with Desi guys? Go here;


    Watch the video from the 5:03 mark onward.

    THAT is EXACTLY what is wrong with Desi guys!!!

  • Wonder when people would grow up from these desi guy/girl syndrome.

  • I agree. They do take the cake šŸ™‚ And then eat it all and get constipated šŸ™‚

  • LoL! I remember this one middle-aged guy in a ticket line behind me at a festival in Delhi who began trying to chat up a German woman. By way of introduction, he told her he was into the ‘science of colors’ and their medicinal properties. It was obvious to me that he had chosen this venue to make new friends because it had its fair share of hippy looking Westerners into the whole ‘exotic’ thing. She was polite and seemed fairly interested in the subject until, by way of explanation, he told her she should not wear black bras and panties because it gave off negative vibes and could cause cancer. I almost burst out laughing and she was suitably shocked at the quick reference to her underwear. For the record, I have no idea what colour her underwear was (it certainly was not visible) and I don’t think the guy was trying to be fresh. But similar to the guy Tazeen mentions, I don’t think he realized why immediate references to a stranger’s lingerie is not in the best of social graces.

    It’s an issue of personal space not sexism. Have you never sat in a public bus or train where complete strangers ask you about your salary as the third question (right after your name and what you do)?

  • Let me try be chivalrous here and dump the cause of the problem onto Desi females :))

    See.. what is the normal reaction that a Desi guy gets when he asks a Desi girl out for coffee ? Unless the girl is of the (extremely rare) cool vareity, she would get upset and throw a tantrum about how her personal space is violated by this act of masculine aggression.

    Now, what would Desi guys learn after repeated training of such responses from Desi females ? That may be the safest thing to ask would be if the girl is constipated !

    Haha, now that I completely rationalized this Desi nerdy behaviour using my evil mind, let me have a chuckle on what reaction this might have provoked onto the blond chick.. A long shriek of eewwwwwww perhaps šŸ™‚

  • please write your book. i will be the first to buy it and i will happily (and for a nominal charge) contribute some of my more erm… awesome stories to your work.

    a compendium of pick up disasters perhaps?

    love your work – never stop!

  • Love your blog.

  • It must have been the expression on the girl’s face that made him think she was constipated. This was definitely not a pick-up line, but a put-down line!! She might have been blonde, dumb and constipated looking so he came up with this EXIT line. LOL!

Got anything to say? Go ahead and leave a comment!

Protected by WP Anti Spam