Sep 8, 2009 - sarcasm    43 Comments

…and the halalness saga continues …

Honestly, I never thought that my blog posts would be taken seriously by anyone, let alone makers of a halal search engine.
A few weeks back, PTI reviewed one of my previous posts about a halal browser and commented that although the post was in good humour, it was taken very seriously by the more pious readers. That report was carried by Pune Mirror, Yahoo India and The American Conservative to name a few.

A Dutch company came up with a halal search engine (If there exists a Halal browser, please enlighten me about it) with help of which Muslims will be able to surf the internet without the fear of accidentally encountering sinful material. The site is called www.iamhalal.com and comes with the tagline; I search halal, I am halal (wonder what does that make a bonafide google worshiper like me).

Now, I am not a narcissist nutcase who believes that the whole world is copying her but these guys totally stole my idea of three levels of halalness – or rather haramness.

If you type a word that is deemed inappropriate by the search engine, you will be warned in 3 levels of haram.
A query for the term “Suicide bombings” is considered level 1 haram and came with this warning.
Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 1 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!


The word “Sex” was deemed level 2 Haram. The warning for it goes something like this:

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 2 out of 3. This means that the results fetched by ImHalal.com could be haram!


Searching a word like “Fornication” would put the search engine on red alert (literally) and the warning would come in red letters.

Oops! Your search inquiry has a Haram level of 3 out of 3! I would like to advise you to change your search terms and try again

Honestly, this search engine is in a bad taste. Words like love, kissing and Nazi are level 1 haram and words like gay, lesbian and sexy are level 3 haram but words like fascism, nigger, molester, murder and torture are totally halal.

What kind of weird world we live in where adult Muslims would actively seek an internet nanny to filter stuff for them!

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43 Comments

  • well you know Muslims… they’ll go to great lengths so they don’t have to actually think for themselves.

    apparently it’s not allowed.

  • I agree with you that this is bad bad taste, but it’s a *little* bit funny to think of you sitting in front of your computer for that long, searching for all these terrible words.

  • Personally I doubt people will use it if there are other alternatives, right?

  • What this SHOULD have been doing was to use a method of PageRank for Islamic websites, so that people like us do not have to spend hours of searching on Google for how to handle a wet dream. It should just point us to the websites with the best solutions.
    And also be able to shun out all those Islamic websites that have been known to be created by Jews and are misleading and stuff.

    Just to filter out words that we would otherwise have already known isn’t something very useful.

  • I also tried this site….but guess what…there is a option “If you still think the results will be clean click me!” and then you can search all the porn of the world….and then again they have treated words like “sex” as haram but then words like “terrorist” is not haram for the makers of this site.

  • Damn dumb! But no need to worry. According to Google trends, Pakistanis are leading googlers of the words “sexy”, “boob”, “allah” and “muslim” and rank third in googling “islam”. That is a pretty well-balanced approach to web searches I think.

  • Whoops! I just did a comparative search and Pakistanis are ten times as likely to search “sex” on Google than “islam” and fifty times as likely to search “sex” than “allah”. And and and. Pakistanis are twice as likely to search the term “gay” than “allah”!

    With priorities like these, I have serious doubts this halal browser is going to catch on.

  • i told you you were too cool!.
    see?!

    you should sue these guys for intellectual theft. and make them share revenues with you. you’ll be set for life.

    im still sticking with google.

    i have a GREAT idea for ‘halal massage parlours’ in thailand. and then we could expand the chain to pakistan and what not.

  • ‘Words like love, kissing and Nazi are level 1 haram and words like gay, lesbian and sexy are level 3 haram but words like fascism, nigger, molester, murder and torture are totally halal.’

    And so is marijuana, I wonder people in Amsterdam were so high when they made this one they forgot to haram-ify that one.

  • You are too sensibl to make sense to these guys… but dont worry.. they are not the only ppl doing totally dumb things in life.. Barack Obama has no idea what he is doing either.. and neither do we..

  • The whole idea is too damn weird is all I’d say!

  • So let me get this straight: suicide bombing is level one, and fornication is level three?

    I thought that search engine post of yours was a good one, and I’m not surprised that many people seem inspired by your ideas!

    Hope you’re doing OK.

    Cheers

    Quirky Indian

  • It really seems they have stolen the idea from your Dawn post! Shame they did not give you any credit for it! All they say is that it was in development since 7 months! I have done some analysis of it on my blog and added an addendum about your blog posts.

    P.S.: On your disclaimer on anonymous comments. You can disable the option from the settings.

  • Oh my god, I can’t believe this

  • I want a Haram search engine.


  • I search halal, I am halal (wonder what does that make a bonafide google worshiper like me).

    You search Google. You are Goo.

    sorry, couldn’t resist.

  • Anything for making good business. Religion makes great business, there are, I have heard, sites that can pray for you! So piety and good karma can be bought online.

  • This is Pathetic Level 3!

  • Hello my poor tazeen.

    we live in a funny time. Reactionary individuals do not support any more a certain culture. In the same order of idea a Congolese has just lodged a complaint in France to make remove from the sale the comic strip ” Tintin in Congo ” (I do not know how any more is called Tintin in English) of the draftsman Hergé.

    This Comic strip is appeared in Belgium and in France in 1946. In this period it is true, that we were still in time the colonization and the whites employed towards the blacks somme rather shocking expressions but the time passed and the Africans (those who miss humor) do not appreciate the white humor. It is good damage.

    Thank you for the courage which you have to speak freely in a region of the world where the woman is not the equal of the man. I admire you pure that.

    In very soon

  • Thank you for the courage which you have to speak freely in a region of the world where the woman is not the equal of the man. I admire you pure that.

    I wonder in what part of the world women is considered equivalent to man? One can never equate them both with a premise that they are equal.

  • Great post! The irony of it all is that it’s a Dutch company that’s developed this new age halalness on the internet.. I wonder what kind of Haram rating the query “Dutch Cartoons” would trigger..

    They could possibly modify the algorithm to award you up to seventy lashes for typing in a lewd query…

  • have they contacted Junaid Jamshed to be the Face of the Halal Browser yet?!! Haq Banta Hai yara.

  • Sounds like Conservapedia to me!!!!!!

  • Aneela,

    I dont think so, JJ is very expensive, he charged Rs 2.5 million for Lays Halal Ad. He would not want to associated with a start up with not much liquid cash.

    I am getting a lot of visiters from Netherlands on this post. If anyone happens to be a lawyers and want to take up my case for fame ( i am an out of work writer) please contact me, I want to sur these guys

  • What a fascist search engine! Who is the man behind the curtain who decides what’s halal anyway?

  • I think it’s pretty cool. Something for everyone out there. Now who decides what is haraam and halal is kinda sketchy though.

  • Might i be the insane one here… and point out that because these people actually seem to have copied your satirical ideas… your coolness points just went through the roof 🙂

  • Hey, landed on your blog, nice stuff. I found a cool new tool for our blogs… http://www.itsolusenz.com It helps get latest news for our keywords directly on to our blog. I added it on mine. Worked like a charm.

  • Hahaha. It’d be really funny if someone unsuspecting went through your search history.

  • Aditya,

    What’s cool, I am beyond cool 🙂

    Ahsan,

    The things one do in name of research 🙂

  • What an unusual search engine. If it ever existed, I’d never going to use it. Because for a medical student or a gynecologist, the warning would be of haram level # 2.

    Thank you for visiting my blog after such a long time.

  • Will the halaal search engine filter out the haraam search terms or just facilitate their searching? 😛

  • Maybe they weren’t copying you but the Jews and their Kosher search engine?

    Still, I’d SUE!!

  • Fabulous blog! I follow, I follow! 🙂

  • Oh the travesty…

    Searching for ‘girls’ is haram level 1, where as ‘boys’ fetches a bunch of results.

    Similarly, if you are a girl doing an image search on boys, you’re in luck. Not so for boys. Clearly discriminatory against the male gender.

    On a serious note, I agree with Nabeel’s suggestion. A PageRank on actual Islamic content would have been useful.

  • How Haram are these words?

    marijuana 0/3
    oral 0/3
    positions 0/3 (first result: How To Have Sex In Different Positions)
    weed 1/3
    alcohol 1/3
    girl 1/3
    call girl 1/3
    intercourse 1/3
    hot guy 1/3
    sex 2/3
    masturbate 2/3
    anal 2/3
    breast 2/3
    ass 2/3
    naked 2/3
    whore 3/3
    prostitute 3/3
    nudity 3/3

    –According to their blog:
    We have ranked terms like “pork”, “alcohol” and “beer” for educational purposes only since even we dummies are aware of the fact that you can’t drink or eat anything trough the internet.

    Personally, I think they should have extended that to ‘sex’ as well. 😉

  • Bonjour Tazeen,

    The analysis of internet nanny is certainly very apt and to the point.

    There are people who are obliged to live under a kind of cheese cover, unable to go away. Then it happens the cover is eliminated. But they don’t go away, pure habit, they continue to crawl on the surface.

    Georg

  • honour killing is only haram level 2 out 3.. great..

  • I have no words and I’m rarely left speechless 😛 Just can’t believe the narrow-mindedness of people in the 21st century in the information age. Quite sad really.

  • This the best I got!! even sarah palin is level 2 haram 🙂

  • Btw nazi and facism have almost similar meaning. I am quite sure website promoting molesting, murder and torture is not allowed on Internet (or in any country) whereas website promoting pornography,sex etc are allowed on Internet. So your comment about word like torture, molester being halal is invalid and moot

  • Search “think” ….

    it would say result not found. lol

  • This is crazy!!! How are they labeling a words as halal or haraam!?? based on their own personal liking!?

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