Jul 13, 2009 - Uncategorized    132 Comments

Life, as I have known it, has come to an end…

Life, as I have known it all along, has ended for me last week.

From the day I was born, my very first identity has been that of a daughter. Even before I acquired my name, the baby wrist tag that they put on soon after the birth said that I was my parent’s daughter. I am no longer a daughter. My father passed away last week after succumbing to cardiopulmonary arrest. I have already lost my mother to cancer in my teenage years and now I am all by myself. I missed Ammi desperately every time things got a bit tough, but I got through it because I had Abba. Whenever things overwhelmed me, Abba would calmly tell me to not worry and say, “Beta, this too shall pass, you just need to hang in there,” and I would feel better and would somehow have the courage to take on the world. A couple of weeks before I lost my dad, I was told by my employers that they will not renew my job contract. I was depressed as hell and told my dad that I was about to lose my job. Abba was very ill and had several tubes going in and coming out of his body. He just held my hand and told me not to worry. He said that something better will come along, it always has and no one can keep me down for long. The minute he said it, I felt on top of the world and stopped thinking about the bad job market out there and minimal demand for my particular set of skills.

With Abba gone, I feel this acute loneliness; there is no one who will now call me beta and tell me that things will get better for me because I deserve all the happiness in the world, there is no one who will share my joy, my sorrows, my achievements and my failures with me.

All of a sudden, I have discovered that world indeed is a lonely place. With Abba, whatever part of the world I was in, I knew I had a home; Abba was my home. Whether I was in Tbilisi or Trincomale, I had to call home to let him know that I am still in one piece. Abba’s phone number was my emergency contact number no matter where I was. I traveled across the world and took on unnecessary adventures because at the back of my mind, I knew that there is someone who will take care of me if anything happens and even if I break an arm or two, I would be welcomed when I come home because there is someone who loves me unconditionally – even without the arms. That stability is gone from my life with Abba, there is no one in the world who loves me unconditionally anymore and it is perhaps the scariest, and loneliest feeling in the world. With Abba gone, I feel sapped of all the energy. I am limp and find it difficult to get by. I miss you Abba and I wish you were still here with us. 
Clip to Evernote


  • I am so sorry for your loss. May your father rest in peace and may you find the strength to get through this. Hang in there.

  • INALILAHI-WA-INA-ILAHI-RAJE-ON.. Peace, prayers and blessings.

  • T: our fathers gave us a sense of protection, a feeling of shelter and security that nothing can parallel. life will never be the same for you, or any daughter who has lost that pillar.

    im so sorry for your loss. know that it was his time and he wouldve stuck around for you if he could.

    your abbu believed no one could keep you down. you need to believe in what your abbu knew and held sacred. his belief in you.

    for everything else, we are here.

  • this is beautiful.
    i hope we can talk again soon

  • and ditto to what hemlock said. you’re not alone.

  • Dear Tazeen,
    so sorry to hear about your father but one has to accept it and get on with life. You are also like a family member to us. Keep up the hope. Start thinking about starting your own family. God bless.

  • I am so sorry, Tazeen. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better.

    May your Abba rest in peace.

  • May god bless you and your loved ones Tazeen .
    Hope you get the strength to get through this

  • May he rest in peace Tazeen… I know it’s hard but inshallah you’ll be a brave and strong woman and come through. You aren’t alone 🙂

  • Tazeen, I’m sorry for your loss. Hope you find strength to get through this and learn to live with his blessings.

  • Tazeen, i am very sorry for your loss. Having been in the situation myself (my dad passed away 6 years back) i know nothing i can say will be of any solace. So take care of your health and my prayers are with you.

  • All my sympathies; may God give you the strength to bear this loss.

  • I’m sorry to learn that. I truly am – it’s been a year since I last dialed my emergency contact number…
    May your father rest in peace!! (:

  • Really sad to hear the news. May Allah give you strength and have mercy on yr dad. Ameen

  • I am sorry to hear that Tazeen, no one can replace a father and time wont heal that wound but I do know he isnt all gone for fathers always watch out for their daughters nomatter where they are.

    May he rest in peace and may Allah grant you sabar. we are all here for you not just in the blogsphere but even outside if you so choose.


  • “Tazeen” I am so sorry to hear this…may your father rest in peace….even in these difficult times…always remember His words to hold on, to carry on….and need not worry…..He is always with you….

  • I m so sorry to hear about ur loss.I have dreaded it for some time.May God give u courage to coup with all the pressures.Ur job loss is the worest thing at this point but donot worry u will manage it somehow.God is there to guide u He will pave way for u Insha Allah .

  • Dear Tazeen,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

  • Tazeen, please accept my condolences.

  • I’m so sorry for your loss =(

  • I am sorry to learn of your loss. May your Dad rest in peace. Should you ever plan to travel to India for a break, you could stay with me at Pune.

    Take care, you are a strong woman, you will come out shining and do your abba proud.

  • Tazeen,

    I am so so sorry to hear about your father. I know only a few of your readers actually know you (in the real world), but so many have us have gotten to know you through your writing. Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.

  • very sorry to hear that.very sorry.may your father rest in peace.

  • Tazeen, I’m sorry to hear this. May his soul rest in peace. Stay strong and take care.

  • Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihi rajioun.
    May his soul rest in peace
    I am extremely sorry for your loss. I hope Allah t gives you sabr and your father Jannatul Firdaus

  • I am soo soo sorry!!! I wish you never had to see this day or feel this way!!! This is a vacuum that no one else can fill but still believe that he will be with you..now not physically but in his words, his teachings and in all his positive thinking..he will be with you!!! He can not say these things to you again but you can remember all his guidance in every situation again and again and believe me you will find him with you!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

  • hey girl. I am so so sorry for your los..but I believe od will give you the strength to deal with this..and Amma and Abba are happy in heaven..with no suffering.

    Sending you big hugs…


  • My heartiest condolences for you, May his soul rest in piece.

    You are not alone at this hour of time, we are with you and our best wishes will always be with you.yes, you deserve all the happinesses of this world.
    God bless you

  • Ina lillahi wa ina alahi rajihoun.

    I am sorry for you loss, there are no words that can give any consolation.

    Is there anything that you need?

    Citizen X

  • Hey Tazeen

    i am so sorry to hear this. i totally agree with hemlock.

    By the way, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    You made us smile, gave us food for thought and made us come back to your blog repeatedly and infact made us fall in LOVE with you

    We are there for you and share your grief.

    May God give to the strength to overcome your grief.

  • I am so sorry to hear that, Tazeen. May his soul rest in peace, Ameen.

  • I am very sorry to hear about your loss Tazeen. I wish you all the strength and courage to get back up again and live your life.

    In your own father’s words “Just hang in there”

  • I am so sorry to hear this tazeen…
    may he rest in peace.

  • Assalam Alaikum,

    It was extremely sad to hear about your loss.

    Allah Ho Qabla Kulli Shae’e
    Allah Ho Ba’ada Kulli Shae’e


  • Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun. May your father be blessed with Paradise. Ameen.

  • Tazeen, i am really sorry to hear about your loss. please do let me know if you need to talk about anything. May your dad’s soul rest in peace.

  • forgot to add lots and lots of hugs to you.

  • I am extremely sad at your loss.. but i am glad you wrote about it such pain should not be kept inside or it saps everything.

    Your dad is not lost Taz..he is in you, you are his and you must carry on his torch of optimism.

    Let me know if there is anything i can do..i am just a call away.

  • Tazeen,
    I am so sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace.
    Having lost my own father, I know what the pain is like. It must have taken an incredible of courage for you to type this post and I applaud you for it. Life is a beautiful thing and like all things beautiful it is also fragile.
    May you have everything that your father wished for you and more…

  • These are the realities we must all face up to one day. Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. I dread the day I will be in your position. May God give you the strength to get through this ordeal. Ameen!

  • May your father rest in peace. My prayers with you.

  • I am sorry for your loss but you should also commemorate what a unique and supportative father you had considering you being a desi woman and all. He is not gone– Keep him alive in your memory as if he’s still there supportive of all your “adventures.”

  • I am so sorry Tazeen. The loss of a parent is a hurt that never gets well. It remains eve fresh. I wish you strength and courage.

  • One is never ready for the death of a parent… I am so sorry for your loss, Tazeen… and I wish you strength in this tough time… May your Abba’s soul rest in peace.

  • So sad. Sorry to hear. My sincere condolesence.
    Please remember his words, and remember he is watching over you. You are not alone.

  • Innaa Lillaahe wa Innaa Ilaie-hi Raaje’oon……………it is indeed a very sad moment in one’s life.
    May Allah Almighty give you the courage to bear this great loss& May your Abba rest in eternal peace…Ameen. Dont feel alone, all of us are with you.

  • I am sorry to hear this. My condolences are with you and family.

  • So sorry to read abt ur dad Tazeen. I lost my dad some 6 yrs ago and I know exactly what u mean when u say there’s no one to love u unconditionally. I pray that u will eventually find the peace and strength and hey ur Abba is still praying for u in heaven! There’s no reason to lose hope, with his prayers and ur hard work, everything will be ok 😀

  • Oh Tazeen.. i was just wondering about your dad’s health when this post came along…. am so, so… prayers for u .. and for him.. trust me, if we love people we can always sense their presence when we need them.. he’ll be there when you really need him.. Take care!

  • Inna nillahi wa inna elaihi rajoiun.
    I am extremly sorry for you loss.

  • Very sad to hear. Stay strong and be well and remember you’re not all alone in this world.

  • Extremely sorry about that. May he Rest in peace.. and Hope something good will turn up for you in life soon..

  • Tazeen,

    May you get the strength to overcome this tremendous loss. Be strong and take care.

  • My prayers are with u and ur father…some one rightly said beleive in what ur father beleived that u have.

    may his soul rest in peace

  • I am sad for your loss. May your father rest in peace.

  • Heartfelt condolences. May his soul rest in peace and may you find the strength to go on.

  • Tazeen,

    My hearfelt condolences. I am truly sorry for your loss, and wish you strength to get through this difficult time.

    As many people have pointed out, you are not alone in these trying times, and our thoughts are with you.

    Quirky Indian

  • I am very sorry for your loss. May God give you courage to cope with it.

  • Tazeen,
    Please open your heart and accept our condolences. I feel your pain. You are not alone. Look at your blog alone, there are so many people who love you here. You are a great success as a blogger. You inspire many and you are so beautiful and wonderful inside, that one automatically wants to push your not so reluctant mind to not so reluctant limits. You are beautiful, your father must have been very proud of you all his life.
    I know the pain of losing someone so dear. I lost my father in my teenage. I lost my father-like uncle just couple of years ago in a silent mid-night heart failure. A perfectly heatlhy 50 year old man did not get up next morning brining Qiyamat on the family. The person I loved more than my father and I had not seen him in 5 years. And I will never see him again.
    I always told myself when my father died almost 18 years ago, when my grand mother died, when my uncle died and its the same thing your father always told you. “this too shall pass, you just need to hang in there”.
    Why? Why? Why? Why do we have to lose someone so dear to us, Why is life such painful and merciless. Why did he have to go. Because everybody’s life is a unique journey of that being. We touch them but we still have to live our own. And we too shall pass one day. Why? I don’t know.
    Banayea mijh ko hone ne, na hota mein to kia hota……
    May your father rest in peace, May Allah give him peace in the life after and May his loved ones find strength and peace to live their lives. I know you will be strong.

  • Also, it must have taken a lot of courage to write this blog and share your thoughts. Thanks for reaching out to. Please take care of yourself.

  • Sorry to hear about your loss. May his soul rest in peace. You are not alone here, please always remember that and dont loose hope. May God give you all the strength to cope with this difficult time.

  • Oh! May God give you all the strength to get through this. I’m really sorry for your loss.
    Please dont take these as empty words, but if there is anything I can do to ease the pain somehow, please know that I’m here.

  • May god give you all the strength to endure this pain and fill your life with happiness after this sad sad moment

  • There are no words to make up for the irrepairable loss you feel, but don’t you think your ‘Abba’ will be disappointed if you don’t heed his all time advice that ‘things get better’…

    Life is a finite set, unfortunately, and we all have to take a final bow at some point. However, the audience has to keep going since they are still performing; like you and I are, and as performers we have to do our part until it’s time to for the curtain call.

    Hang in there Tazeen; “This too shall pass”!

  • So very sorry to hear your news Tazeen. Best wishes for you in this time of sorrow.

  • Yaar tazeen I am just speechless…Allah tumko yay sab face karnay ka hosla day aameen…please know that you are in my thoughts and prayer.

  • May your father rest in peace…and may you get the courage to face it..

    it is something deep within us..the love of our parents..it does not go away this easily..and you would never cease to be the daughter of your parents..

    God bless you..

  • Inna lilla hi wa ina ilayhi rajioun.

    Sorry to hear about your loss. 🙁

  • May his soul rest in peace. And Allah give you all the patience and courage to get through everything in life. And make everything fine for you.

    take care.

  • Sorry and heart broken to read about your abba’s death. Lost my aai(Marathi word for Mother) to Cancer two years back. Immediately after her death there were lot of people around me to console. But the most difficult times are now around 1 year later as you begin to miss your loved one every day and every moment. I hope (Because that is all we can do) that you find somebody who loves and cares for you the way your abba did.

  • May Allah rest his soul in eternal peace and give you enough strength to face this undeniable truth.


  • very sorry to know of your loss. may Allah rest his soul in peace and give you the fortitude to bear the loss.


  • Am truly sorry Tazeen to know about the loss of your father. For those who share such a binding bond as between you and your father, you will find that he will be with you in another way. You are more courageous than you realize and stronger than needed to take on this new (even if unsolicited) phase in life. Please let me and your other friends know if we can share your grief at a more practical level. It’s your right; that’s what friends are for.

  • INALILAHI-WA-INA-ILAHI-RAJE-ON … from a stranger…

    through your words i can feel a little, a very tiny speck of your pain.

    i am truly sorry. trust that you will get through this as well and things will get better inshallah inshallah ameen

    may your father’s memories become your strength *big hug*

  • Very, very sorry for your loss.

    Can’t say more than that. Because I don’t think anything more can tantamount to much.

  • Really sorry to hear that… may you have the fortitude to bear this huge loss.

  • Tazneen,
    I am 70 and an Indian.well i say to you “Beta, this also shall pass’
    I donot know any media people in India but i know you will be an asset to any daily in India or Pakistan.
    But i am going to try. You are such a talent .

  • Take care, T and may you find within yourself all the courage you need to face this lonely time. May your Abba’s soul rest in peace, as indeed it shall, remembered as he is with so much love by you.

  • Inna Lillahe Wa Inna Alaihe Raje Oon
    May his soul rest in peace
    take care!!!

  • Tazeen,

    Sorry to hear about your father’s sad demise. It is the reality that we all have to face one day… Be strong as always!

    May his sould rest in peace……


  • Tazeen,
    Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. Wish you the strength to overcome the sorrow.

  • Tazeen,
    this is the first time I have ever come to your blog because you commented on my blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were ever any words to make one feel better after a loss of this magnitude.
    I want you to know that you are not alone in this world. This might not make you feel any better, but knowing that there are more people than you can possibly imagine who share the same loss as you may help you at some point…I lost both my parents in an accident 4 years ago, and I still don’t know the cause of the accident. They were in South Africa, and I was on my way to Pakistan. I don’t even remember what was the last thing that we said to each other…I never got to say goodbye.
    I just know that they are in a better place and they are together. Same with your parents. They are together now, after so long. Be happy for them.
    If ever there is anything I can do, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, and that doesn’t matter, but I am here.
    God Bless.

  • hey, havent checked your blog in ages. i hope you get through everything. and you will. because even though its tough ( fuck, i dont know HOW tough )but i know you’re not a loser. cheers

  • Tazeen,

    This is a time you need friends and I hope you have some around you, nearby.

    If you can afford it, go on a trip, that might help.

    As I said you have all my sympathy and some friendly thoughts.


  • wherever your dad is, am sure his thoughts are with you

  • I am so sorry for your loss, May he rest in peace. And may you have the courage to survive this tough time.
    No matter what happens we never want to think or accept the fact that we can lose a parent. It is always a shock.

    (Sorry about this morning as well :/)

  • Sorry to read that your Abba is no more. While it is natural to be depressed about his passing away, please do remember that some things are inevitable. Take care.

  • May your father’s soul rest in peace.

    I have been a silent reader for a while now but just felt I had to post something when I read this.

    This too shall pass…as tough as it may seem. I think it’s a blessing that so many ppl have posted showing their support for you. Try and draw some strength from them.

    Take care,

  • Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihee raji’oon
    Im really sorry to hear about your loss. The heavens are a far better place im sure though, may he get the best of the other world.

    My dad was in bed throughout the last year of his life. I hated the thought of losing him too, but in my heart i also knew that my father would never find any contentment in living without his health & independence. You will, in time, inshallah move forward, and life will not be as threatening as it seems now. There is a God watching over us, and our parents are a privilige granted to us by him, we can never be too greatful.

  • So sorry to hear about ur loss… may ur father rest in peace and may Allah give u strength to bear this loss… Amen

  • i am so sorry, tazeen.
    take care.

  • Tazeen, I am so sorry for this. Having lost my dad too, I know how painful this must be. Nothing that anyone says is going to fill up that hole inside you.

    All one can say is take care of yourself and remember we all are there in case you want to reach out to talk

  • TAzeen,
    Extremely sorry to hear about uncle. I know exactly how u feel cause i lost my BABA 6 months ago.
    ALl i can say is that Hang in there. You will come to terms with this in your own time. Just take care dear.

  • Tazeen, Be strong honey. This is life, sooner or later it happen to everybody. I’m very sorry for your lost..be patient my friend…be strong

  • When you read somebody’s blog, the blogger’s life becomes part of your own life as he/she shares a lot of its detail with the readers. And, in this time of sorrow, i would like to tell you that the comments of your readers will definitely help you to come back towards life again as going back is part of everybody’s life. Your loss is immense but you have to overcome it.
    May the soul of the deceased rest in Peace.

  • Dear Tazeen,
    I am sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. May your father’s soul rest in peace, ameen. You know what? Fifty percent of your genes came from your father, so in a way, he is living through you.
    Best regards,

  • Im so so so sorry to hear of your loss Tazeen.

    May Allah grant you patience and strength to bear this loss, and may HE grant your father, peace, mercy and comfort in the world hereafter.

    I know your father was unwell….but just today, i saw this post.

    So sorry to hear about this.

  • I am so sorry to read of your father’s loss. I know it is hard right now, but rest assure your father is in a beautiful place. In a place where after you have led a full and happy life, he will meet you after.

    Much, love, blessings and subbar.

    Salacious Samosa

  • hey tazeen iam so sorry for ur loss
    ur not alone because we all are with you… 🙂

  • I am so very sorry for your loss.

  • this is a line i heard somewhere

    ” everyone says they are sorry and they know how you feel but no one really does, how it aches to be part of the dead dads society, am sorry you had to be a part of it”

    time numbs it.
    do take care.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. May your father rest in peace and may you find the strength to get through this. Hang in there.

  • I’m so sorry learning of your loss hun. May God rest his soul.

    I can’t begin to imagine how difficult a period this is for you, but I believe in you, you seem headstrong, intelligent, streetwise, and one of the most kickass, fantastic girls i’ve ever come across. you have the ammo, you’ll make it. 🙂

  • I’m sorry to hear about your dad passing away. You will get through this. From what I have read on your blog you come across as a strong person. InshAllah, everything will be okay. I will keep you in my prayers. May your dad’s soul rest in peace.

  • Sorry for your loss.

  • I know it’ll take a while for you to feel like yourself…but it may be a good idea to get back to the mundane, the everyday things that occupy you. Posting a blog may be one such option 🙂

  • Inna lilla hi wa ina ilayhi rajioun.

    May Allah grant you sabr to get through.

  • okay. enough

    now get back and be cheery again 🙂

  • *a really, really, really long hug.*

  • I am so sorry for you loss. I too just lost my father. (May 31st) I am working through a lot of mixed feelings, as I am sure you are too.
    I just started a blog to help me face what I am feeling and deal with my grief. Maybe it will be something you can connect to in some way.
    Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

  • Oh Tazeen! Am really sorry! I really dont know what to say.. but hey! even though we’ve known each other only via blogs, please blv me when i say, you can always, ALWAYS turn to this side for whatever you want.. be it sharing the feeling of a beautiful breeze that just blew a second back or to crib about that shoe you just bought yesterday and now have no clue y u did so, or.. just coz u were feeling too blank!

    I’ll really be around. Not just becuase over this little time, and over these web of thoughts, I’ve really respected for what you are and how you (almost always) stand for what you believe, irrespective of whether I’ve agreed with your thoughts or not, but also ‘coz I have really grown very fond of you!

    I hope, wish and pray the best for you!

    (prayers for your father’s soul!)

  • I’m sorry for your loss. The pain will lessen with time. This too shall pass..

  • I’m so sorry for your loss. No words can make up for it, I hope you find the strength to go forward and the loneliness fades…

  • I am so sorry for your loss

  • My condolences.

    You have been lucky to have a father that has cared. Though the pain of the loss lingers also remember to keep him alive by never forgetting the good things that he did.

  • please accpt my condolences and i pray that Almighty gives you and your family the patience to endure and acept 😐
    we are just helpless at the end of all days.

    no words can make u feel better but I do hope that the dawns rise with your beloved father’s fragrance every day of your life.

  • im soo sorry. losing one’s dad who’d love u no matter what and magically make everything right is..hard to deal with..

    i’ve been seeing mine in dreams almost every week

  • Dear Tazeen,

    Visited your blog after such a long time… came to know about your father. My condolences for you and for your family. Will keep you in good thoughts.

    Take Care,

  • Sorry for your loss.

    In our prayers.

  • Innalilahi Wa inilahi rajioun.

    InshAllah you will be with them in Jannah.
    I lost my parents in 2006. The thing I wanted to do most was take care of them in their old age and I couldn’t. However, knowing that I am still a sadqah jariah for them made me feels tons better. Knowing that any good thing they taught me if I teach it to someone else, and if any good deeds that I do and I pray to Allah that he gives sawab of my good deeds to them as well, and reciting Quran for them, all of these acts will benefit them in the grave and the hereafter makes me feel connected to them.

    May Allah give you sabr. May Allah make your parents grave a garden of paradise for them and may Allah give them an abode in jannat-ul-firdoos. Ameen

  • Your Abba was so right when he said “This too shall pass”. I am sorry for your loss. May your father’s soul rest in peace. Don’t think you are lonely, he sure is looking and blessing you and will always be with you. May the force be with you. Make him proud, Tazeen.

  • i’m so sorry to know about your father’s demise..may Allah rest his soul in peace..may Allah give your strength & courage to bear this loss..we’re all with you tazeen in this tough time *hugs*

  • My sincerest condolences.

    May Allah bless him and be merciful and gracious.

  • My sincerest condolences.

    May Allah bless him with mercy and graciousness.

  • I am so sorry for your loss Tazeen. My prayers are with you and your family.

  • I am really sorry about your loss. I can totally imagine how it feels. May Allah grant him the higher place in jannah

  • Hi tazeen,

    it’s been quite a while since i decided to check your blog. i am very sorry about your loss. last year my mother died too, a slow death. i know how painful it can be, but don’t be afraid. your father is in a place where he feels no pain, and he is watching you, i know….

  • Tazeen,

    It sounds as if you were a very dutiful and loving daughter. Surely that is some comfort in such a difficult time. Likewise this outpouring of support on your blog.
    I hope you continue to have private conversations with both parents.


  • Tazeen!

    I wish there could be any sentence that can console the loss of parents. I am feeling your grief by my heart. May Allah rest your father’s soul in peace and help you bear this loss. Verily Allah does not give us pain beyond our pateince. God bless you

  • I’m so sorry for your loss. But don’t worry, things will get better.

  • Hey Tazeen
    Here’s a secret. Abba and Ammi are not gone, they are still there.. If you search for them, you’ll find them smiling at you and giving you love 🙂

    Good luck with finding a nice job. Life is like a game, and it’s all about having fun. Sometimes we get stuck in a bad spot, but that’s part of the game.

    – vakibs

  • Just saw this post, Tazeen. So sorry to read about your Abba. May God grant him peace.

Got anything to say? Go ahead and leave a comment!

Protected by WP Anti Spam