Feb 23, 2009 - Uncategorized    59 Comments

I love trouble

Last week, I wrote a series of five blogs for Dawn.com launch and I received some really interesting feedback on it. For some strange reason – or perhaps quite understandably so – I got a lot of feedback from India. Quite a few people from India wanted to know if am being harassed by ISI for writing what I did. I take this opportunity to clarify that ISI is a hugely important intelligence wing of the government and has better things to do than keep tabs on a blogger, a female blogger and a female blogger who has a personal life that is slightly more exciting that seeing an egg being boiled on a slow burner. Contrary to what every two bit journalist in Pakistan would say – that ISI is shadowing him or taping his phone calls, which sound positively archaic by the way – they do not follow or bug the telephones. They have better things to do such as making sure that Mullah Fazlullah delivers his sermon through his FM radio station on time everyday or making sure that news about PM sahib’s sexcapades do not get to the press. Believe me when I say this: if anyone has to tail a woman, any ISI man worth his salt – or wardi – would rather follow Kashmala Tariq who is not only prettier but leads a far more interesting life.

A reader from Gujarwala has threatened me with a defamation suit. He thinks that I am trying to piggyback on the fame and popularity of the “the great saviour of Pakistan, Mr Imran Khan’ (his words, not mine) and he says that he is gonna file a lawsuit against me so that I ‘stop poisoning the minds of young Pakistanis’. First of all, I would like to thank you for making me feel like a celebrity. I mean who sue normal folks in Pakistan? So I say, bring it on bruthah! That will not only help me in piggybacking some more; I may also end up with my own TV show and may get a book deal to write an expose on the great saviour.

One question that a lot of people asked is why my blog is named ‘A reluctant mind’. Honestly, I don’t know. My blog was originally titled ‘Subliminal Mindfuck’. As only three of my friends were forced to read it, nobody minded that name. A couple of months later, a cousin stumbled upon it and was not only scandalized by the name but also by the fact that it was getting a lot of traffic and comments from porn sites. My cousin thought that writing a blog that attracts porn will diminish my chances of ever landing a suitable boy. She forbade me to change the name and said that if I do not do so, she will tell my dad. Personally, I was also getting sick of all the comments from girls named Cherie or Harmony who would want to do wicked things and would like to do it on my blog, so I changed the name.

Sadly, I still haven’t landed that suitable boy and now face a lawsuit. Some people just attract trouble.

.

Clip to Evernote

59 Comments

  • Well, I am an Indian and one of the newer fans of your writing. But this humility thing sucks. Damnit, you know you write well and people love to read it. So, why this faking it — I am no good, it is just the usual stuff. Reminds me of those students who slog their backsides out to score marks and then say, I never study. You’ve to more egocentric than this. Like a true “creative” person. 🙂

    Well, you friggin rock as a writer. And your writing has an universal appeal, forget India or Pakistan. We might not get all the jokes here but still…

    And let that damn fool file a defamation suit fast. You ought to become a celebrity and get a book deal, a fat book deal… So you can write more and more and we can satiate our appetite for your words.

    Keep it coming. You are an amazing writer and you should let it go to your head sometime. Enjoy the f**kin accolades as long as they last.

  • Funny how our politicians (and hamid mir) never face defamation lawsuits.

    Considering our lawyers have better things to do than go to court, why don’t you let the gujranwala man try? It’d make your life a bit more interesting than watching an egg boil on a slow burner, and his a lot more khwaar.

  • the last line is hilarious 🙂

  • Bloggers get sued for anything or everything. There was a war in Singapore between two full time bloggers where one wanted to sue the other. It was fun for a bit till I got bored 😀

  • ive never had a reader from gujranwala. you are a celebrity. dont let anyone convince you otherwise.

  • WRITE ON !
    (as in rock on !!! )

    lol…

    oo see i never ever get any annoyed people on my blog… but then again… people jus don care much about my opinions!

  • a lawsuit? you have arrived, hun!

  • Pu,
    Don’t worry. I have always stated that humility is not a virtue and is over rated like hell. I shall never be accused of modesty. NEVER.

    Sidrah,

    Umm, its just a threat of lawsuit.

    He does not even have my address, how will i get notified about the lawsuit, how will I get subpoena by the court? I hope the gent from Gujranwala was not just bluffing.

    the gent from Gujranwala,

    Sir, please contact me through my email address so that i can share my postal address with you.

  • Trumpets blowing. Yes, yes, do land a lawsuit and a book contract. You write well, even if reluctantly. 🙂

  • Tez,

    Welcome to the blog-o-celebrity-sphere! Gujranwala-wala is being jealous of you and your wordsmithery!

    I say you should counter sue the dweeb for him being that: a jealous dweeb!

    -Zoobee
    p.s. I did my 2nd grade at St Joseph school in Gujranwala

  • Gujranwala has internet?

    And what do you think is better? Cherie wanting to do things to you or a blogger wanting to sue you? I think I’d go back to mindfuck. he he

    But Tazeen, jokes apart, a legal suit clearly means you’re in the big league now… So just delete this and all other references to the F word since the opposition might rekindle this topic years later when you stand for Prime Minister 🙂

  • Tazeen-

    You know you’re doing amazing work when people threaten you with lawsuits :). Your Dawn series rocked, tell them to keep sipping their haterade! (And in order to confuse them, say the word haterade!)

    Also, I’m not surprised that so many Indians were curious about the ISI reaction – I attended the international school in Islamabad growing up, and the few Indians we had in the school had their phones bugged and would have a few ISI henchmen parked outside their houses or followed at all times (I don’t think they really tried to be subtle). While this obviously may not occur to you, I’m sure they think similar practices apply to other people that go against the grain, so to speak.

  • *occur = happen (sorry!)

  • hahahaha

    someone wants to sue you? that’s insane. you know there was this lawyer in lahore who had brought all the cases filed against shoaib akhtar and wasim akram over things like they defamed pakistan by appearing in india movies and what not. how are these people so farigh?

  • enjoy the limelight & finally people will have a fresh face for a celeb.

  • tazeen
    i m from guj n i had no problems with ur posts , i liked the dawn series a lot .u do have another read from guj so donot think he is lonely,so surprised to read someone ask if guj have internet? whats the point ?

  • Rakesh,

    Gujranwala is an industrial city, every fan and washing machine made in Pakistan is made in Gujranwala. P&G has the biggest pamper manufacturing unit in the region in Gujranwala and Gujranwala exports maximum tonnes of rice abroad. I am sure they cannot do that without appropriate connection with the world.

    KK,

    Come on, lawyers have been marching and agitating for past two years, i think this guy just want to practice some law.

    RulzZ,

    The gent from Guj who threatened to file lawsuit is a certain Mr Waheed Kallu, I am assuming he is an advocate.

  • not that it’ll do any good to your chances of landing that suitable boy (and are you sure a boy will be man enough for you?) but have you ever considered doing stand-up?

  • Xille,

    stand up comedy!!!

    Do you want to ruin my chance at matrimonial bliss forever!!!

    on a serious note, I actually wanted to write and produce a show along the lines of Seinfeld or 30 rock – either about dysfunctional families, friend or co workers. Thats why I started working as a television producer but it was such an ajeeb experience that i left it after just one program.

  • Tazeen,

    You should join Saad Haroon’s comedy troupe! Or be on his show…Yes!!

  • Bonjour Tazeen,

    Just let me tell you before anything else that your blog is right now by far the most interesting I’ve found.

    So, go on like this, please, and don’t start to censure yourself.

    The chap who threatened you was probably just a part-time fanatic looking desperately for a subject.
    Naturally, you know the situation in your country better than everybody else……

    I can’t help thinking that someone who has been in Düsseldorf and returned to Karachi must be protected by the gods, by the whole bunch of them.

    Cheers, Tazeen
    Georg

  • The last part was hilarious.

    Lawsuits .eh.. refuge of the clueless!!

  • First of all a big fat dose of THANK YOU for telling Rakesh about Gujranwala. “It has internet?” … For the love of all that is pure and holy.

    Secondly, you should totally feel like a celebrity since there are people talking about you. Good or bad, irrelevant. They are, which means they know you, which means there’s enough gossip to go around forever.

    I’d love to have produced something like 30 Rock. If I wasn’t moving outta the city, I might have taken you up on that. And then we’d have to face the biggest asses in the industry who’d tell us,

    “Aisay shows nahee chalte.”

  • Lawsuit eh? that’s a bit scarry…
    and please do take care… 🙂

    the last couple of lines were hilarious! 🙂

  • What’s in a name after all…your blog draws a lot of attention due to the thought provoking content that’s provided in there. As for attracting trouble; isn’t that a part of any deal. Besides ‘trouble’ like you adds humor and spice to the routine that we call life. Don’t let trouble trouble you!

  • Tazeen, you already are a celebrity. I intend to wrtie an article about you, want to follow your work, and write your biography when you will be 60 (and I 98). Deal?

  • If your blog says anything about your personal life, then I wouldn’t describe it as “watching an egg slowly cook.”

    Rather, ignoring your valiant efforts at humility, your blog is one of the more interesting blogs I’ve read. That is saying alot; I read a lot of insightful Wall Street professional blogs.

    So if you are fishing for compliments, HERE YOU GO GIRL!

    /satire end

  • Quin,

    60!!!
    I was kinda interested in early demise.

    Sarem,

    If you compare my life with that of Kashmala Tariq, it is indeed as boring as watching an egg cook slowly.

  • hey

    you haven’t arrived until and unless you get a fatwa against you. Lawsuit is childplay, try and get a fatwa against you and the world is yours. learn something from Salman Rushdie

  • Green Day and Mr Armstrong! Now we’re talking!

    See! Can you name a blog after Coldplay lyrics? Can you? Punk?

    I rest my case.

    A reader from Gujarwala has threatened me with a defamation suit.

    Isn’t it Gujranwala? Or are we talking about a different city? Or am I being a spelling Nazi?

    Dreaming and differing from the hollow lies,
    Hades

  • Oops, that was meant to be sarcastic, not offensive! I’m sure Gujranwala is developed Industrially at least 🙂

  • Hi tazneen,
    I just donot believe you will change the title of the blog for a BOY or MAN!!!!!!!!

  • You have arrived. First step lawsuit. Nest step fatwa. Then the Nobel.

    Perhaps you should revert to ‘subliminal mindfuck’.

    Cheers,

    Quirky Indian

  • you are simply a great blogger….i like each and every post of yours…keep it up

  • !
    🙂
    (Yes I lack words!)

  • Agree with Varun 200%. Chanced upon your blog & love it. It scares me if people like Imran Khan is savior. Naveed

  • haha…i will just say one thing…don’t listen to ppl who are asking u to keep writing (btw that includes me too) , at the end of the day its u who is facing law suite not me or them :)…its your decision. keep updating on that law suit.

  • Hi – Could you possibly shoot me the link to the your blog on dawn? or this is it?

  • Well, stardom seems to be arriving fast for you, Ma’am (practising for the future; calling you by name would be sacrilege after some time). This is the biggest fan mail I am seeing outside of a filmstar or popstar. Damn, there is no one except that doltish lawyer, who doesn’t like your writing. Or perhaps, likes them too much and wants to propel you to eventual stardom even faster. Thanks buddy, please hurry up with the lawsuit and get a fatwa organised. A short-march with a few placards would be a welcome addition.

    Btw, it must be quite heady to be praised like this. Don’t let the damn euphoria spoil the quality of writing. And if this praise is too much pressure to deliver with every post, show each of these readers your middle finger!

    Where is today’s post? This is like drug addiction. Out, faster, out, you…

  • I know I’m a regular Johnny-come-lately but the whole series was, for the want of a better word, Howlarious.

    See, Step 1 is getting sued by a local lawyer. Step 2 is to be sued by a news reporter. Step 3 is to launch your own news aggregator website after a failed run for the governor of California. (Okay, I guess the last one is too Arriana Huffington.)

  • Well just one more thing i want to suggest you…why dont you compete in elections. I think seriously pakistan need your kind of people to lead the country otherwise these fucking crazy shit people eat ur country out….i dont know wat kind of people are there running pakistan bad or good…but i feel people like you should come forward. I will support you from India….lolz…

  • sorry, Tazeen, I can’t help you with that – my gut feeling is you will live over 100 – because they say laughter is the best medicine – and you have lot of it – so I won’t give up on my idea

  • Okay, WHAT is wrong with Rakesh and the chip on his shoulder?

  • Watching an egg boil can be really relaxing. I’ve done it and yes, I do have too much time on my hands.

    You’re a great writer, Tazeen.

  • Hi Majaz, I was just kidding. C’mmon, I mean, just coz. I’m from across the border, that comment became offensive? It was meant to be sarcastic funny… Apologies if you found it otherwise.

  • btw that chip on my shoulder (in the picture) is my son. Cute innit?

  • ok, what started off as a serious attempt to let the world know that ISI has better things to do such as tailing beautiful women like Kashmala Tariq has turned into a compliments fest.

    I am somewhat embarrassed and flabbergasted at some suggestions.

    Varun,

    What political party would be insane enough to give me ticket?

    Omar Haq

    the dawn blog series is pasted below this post with the links.

  • Hades,

    I love Green day as well and will come up with post for you which are titled speed of sound and Yellow – even if I have to write about hepetitus

  • well if no party giving you ticket, compete independently from the area…i hope the people of pakistan who are commenting or reading ur blog will atleast vote for u…

  • really adore the depth in your writing… when it is humorous it gets even deeper…

    your love for trouble is your love to be human… always on the go… always growing… flowing…

    and the flowing water
    changes the static stones
    no matter they are willing or not..

    🙂
    hugs

  • Hahahahaha! 🙂

  • “..My cousin thought that writing a blog that attracts porn will diminish my chances of ever landing a suitable boy…”

    This makes it the best joke of my day 🙂

    Keep it up Tazeen. You have a knack for bringing out that smile on people.

  • please replace the word india with any country you wish…

    so what constitutes an indian film?

    are bhaji on the beach, salaam bombay, monsoon wedding, bend it like beckham indian films or are they american films?

    is elizabeth, directed by shekar kapur an indian film or an american film ? wait a minute…shekar was born in lahore..so is it a pakistani film…?

    is crouching tiger hidden dragon really a chinese film..delve a bit deeper and you will see the conundrum there….

    should the director be born and brought up in india to fully qualify it as an indian film..does the director’s citizenship matter?

    how indian should the film be for it be to accepted as an indian movie?

    all the music directors, actors, chai wallahs, spot boys, scout locators, producers need to be indian?

  • Excellent satire ..
    I have linked your series on my blog : http://iyerdeepak.wordpress.com/2009/03/01/satirical-look-at-the-future/

    Like I have mentioned on my blog, I really think it is time we Indians get to hear some moderate voices from across the border.

  • loved this one

    Subliminal mind fuck was superb, you should go back to it.

  • Can I say congrats? 😀 😀

  • thanks everyone,

    you guys have been extremely kind. 🙂

  • you have arrived

  • People who can think of comparisons like “watching egg boil slowly” might actually be getting them by actually having done that, huh? huh?

    And oh don’t worry about not being able to land the matrimonial bliss with a suitable boy..I am sure many a boys who’re reading your blog will want to be the man…including yours truly 😉 Let’s get bad and all.

Got anything to say? Go ahead and leave a comment!

Protected by WP Anti Spam

``