Feb 20, 2009 - published work    33 Comments

All in the family

The final installment of the series.

What quips, quirks, snafus and scandals does Pakistan’s future hold? Tazeen Javed time travels to 2021 and blogs about what makes the Land of the Pure tick – or is it explode? – in the coming decade.

April 1, 2021

ISLAMABAD: The newly-elected government of Mr Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari has completed its first 100 days in office. The landmark event was celebrated by a national holiday here on Tuesday, which takes the tally of Bhutto family-related national holidays to seven (the other holidays were birthdays and death anniversaries of Shaheed Benazir Bhutto and Shaheed Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto, the annual commemoration of Mr Asif Ali Zardari’s 10-year anniversary in the presidential office, and the wedding anniversary of Prime Minister Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari).

The notable constitutional amendment passed under PM Bhutto-Zardari’s parliament is the imposition of tax on royalties of all creative art forms, including sales of books, music records and art. However, it has not improved the condition of the national exchequer as only two books were published in the country last year and the pirated version of all the music created in Pakistan is available online, which results in absolutely no sales for the recording labels.

While addressing the nation, PM Bhutto-Zardari shared the good news that Pakistan has entered the Guinness Book of World Records for a single family holding the maximum number of ministries and other official positions in a country. In addition to the office of the president (held by the father of the prime minister) and that of a federal minister (his younger sister Asifa Bhutto-Zardari fills that spot), various ministerial posts are occupied by an assortment of uncles, aunties and cousins.

Leader of opposition, Mr Hamza Shahbaz called it a black day in the history of Pakistani politics and vowed that when his party assumes office, it will purge the government of the element of nepotism. He said that only a handful of positions would be held by his immediate family and substantiated the claim with the fact that in his family, women do not participate in politics, which automatically decreases the number of family members seeking official positions.

Meanwhile, Muttahida Qaumi Movement chief Altaf Hussein sent flowers to the prime minister on this auspicious day. In a televised phone call from London to the PM secretariat, Mr Hussein said that Bhutto-Zardari would make a historic leader. Hussein added that PM Bilawal’s achievements have been exemplary since he was a little kid and had a famous chowk named after him in the port city of Karachi at the ripe-old age of five. He performed fateha for the PM’s martyred mother and cried a little while remembering the shaheed leader.

The evergreen Pir Pagaro congratulated the young prime minister and said that there would be a phoenix rising, adding that Sindh will be waterlogged and papers will fly. When asked about Pir Sahib’s message, the prime minister said that the Pir never made much sense – even in his lucid days – and that it would be futile to expect such an old man to make any sense at all.

Jamaat-e-Islami’s amir Qazi Hussein Ahmed initially announced a long march to protest the lavish celebrations to observe the first 100 days of the government, but had to retract after his party members refused yet another long march. One young member of the JI, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that per diem provided to long march participants has remained the same for the past five years and it has become almost impossible to recruit anyone to take part in long march at the old rates. Imran Khan, who now runs a successful media consultancy, agreed with the Jamaat’s new direction and suggested an online virtual march as a less expensive option. It is still not known if Jamaat plans to go virtual.

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33 Comments

  • qazi and altaf are still alive ????

    dark things you see in the future !!!

  • lol.

    Good series 🙂

  • I LOVE that we have a national holiday for Bilawal’s wedding anniversary, and that the Bhutto family has broken a Guinness World Record for a single family holding the max. number of ministries and other official positions in a country! Genius.

    Great series!

  • Substitute the Gandhi Khaandaan for the Bhutto Zardari one..and the marriage is a bachchan one…:)Voila!!we have the makings of An Indian Rant!:D..loved reading this…though felt lost in a few places..but thats because of my limited knowledge of Pakistan’s history..

    but the 2021 scenario is easy to identify with..:)

    brilliantly written !:))

  • LOL!!! Excellent! Hella Witty! Truth in satire! What a refreshing change to be able to poke fun at the sad realities that exist in Pakistan!

    Tez, you rock!

    Cheers!

    -Zoobee

  • somehow, i can picture Altaf bhai shedding a tear or two and singing virtues of shaheed bibi in a telephonic khitab

    lol

  • this is pure genious

    as the mcdonalds people say

    i am lovin’ it

  • Kalsoom,

    Hai na … i am quite proud of myself for thinking up a brand new chutti for us subjects.

    Sami,

    Qazi and Altaf itnee asani se naheen jayegay and this scenario is just a decade down the road, not 50 years ahead.

    everyone else,

    thanks a lot.

  • So lucid was this time travel account that i went alongside and all that seemed probable and not merely possible. Yups a bleak past has ensured a bleak present and a bleaker future. But im still interested in the probable chutisss

  • What I want to know (and am most concerned about) is WHY IS PIR PAGARO STILL ALIVE?

    Sorry, got a little emotional there. Fear does that to me. As if Qazi and Altaf’s being alive wasn’t enough Tazeen.

  • Just seven holidays? If things go as you predicted and we continue to be ruled by Nero and his cronies, every Tuesday will be a holiday.

    Very nicely written.

  • You mean Pir Pagara will remain alive till 2021. OMG. I think he will be the first man on earth to become father and great-grand father at the age of 100.

    I like the way you proposed media consultancy idea to Mr. Khan. Somebody must post this to him, he might venture into it earlier than expected.

    You haven’t given any ministry to Bakhtawar? I suppose she is pursuing her singing career

  • too bad Tazeen, this is coming to an official end. I suppose, it will continue unofficially, with some global rants since a few Pakistan specific jokes were lost on us.

    You rock girl.

  • Madiha,

    Pir Pagaro will live forever … he has taken the blue pill and has been blessed by Oracle to live forever.

    Xerxy,

    I agree with you, but as I was writing for a newspaper, it had to be a conservative estimate.

    Kulsoom,

    If rumors are to be believed, Imran Khan should soon be hosting a telly show on Dunya TV.

    Rakesh,

    thanks a lot. The futuristic series ended. The rants would continue.

  • Awww.. the final instalment, abhi say! It was getting so much fun!

  • You promised to write about Shaikh Rashid of Lal Haveli — but you haven’t. I am disappointed 🙁

  • hilariously discerning. I loved the ending. ‘virtual long march’ ha ha …

  • hi Tazeen 🙂

    i mentioned ur blog in an interview i gave to a paki website… will inform you when it gets published.

    tc sweety!

  • Bonjour Tazeen (voyante pakistanaise),

    I realize with pleasure that even in 2021 politics remain a family business in Pakistan, strongly encouraged by the voters.

    That is one more point your country has in common with India.

    It might be interesting to hear what you think about social developments in the years to come.

    Cheers, Tazeen, keep on the good works

    Georg

  • haha..loved reading this entire series..kudos tazeen(Y)

  • I hope you will also include what the American ambassador and Army chief did/said on that day and also Indian PM and that wicked RAW!!!!

  • I say you make this a weekly/monthly thing on the blog, at least.

  • Thanks a lot Mehreen,

    Hades,
    iRant would be a weekly feature but i dont think they would be futuristic

  • whts this?

  • This is deliciously wicked. I loved it – and yeah, substitute the Bhuttos for the Gandhis, and we Indians will feel right at home!

  • what a crappy piece of writing, it is not satire. It is bitching.

  • Wonderful! 😀

    And hugely optimistic. My own version of Pakistan’s 2012 reality is not as rosy!

    Here’s to our wonderful country! 🙂

  • who are you again? this isn’t a regular girl blog?

  • Xeb and Phoenixritu,

    Thanks a lot,

    Sami,

    Who says it is a ‘regular’ girl blog?

  • its a pleasant surprise after reading those ‘nostalgic pleasures’ and ‘my boyfriend the asshole’ kinda blogs.

  • Sami,

    thanks, its just that I don’t do nostalgia and I dont have a boyfriend so I cant really say that he is an asshole. I have to blog about other more important things things in life such as politics, Shoaib Akhtar and of course myself.

  • Wow that was incredible!
    We definitely more installments of this!

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