If I were a pop psychologist I would say that the constant status change on facebook/gtalk/similar-social-networking-websites-that-I am-unaware-of is attention seeking behaviour of the worst order. I have no problem with people seeking attention or basking in the glory of self love, but if you change your status five times in a day, especially with open ended and ambiguous sentences like ‘Nishi is still looking …’ to ‘Rizwan is trying hard, really’ then I think a call to local shrink wouldn’t hurt. The more ambiguous the status is; chances are that you get more responses. The more naïve ones in the friend’s list always respond to such cries of help with, ‘Oh Nishi, what is it that you are looking’ to ‘I hope you find what you are looking for’ to best wishes for Rizwan who is trying really hard. Come on folks, what do you know? He might be constipated and trying really hard and updated his status while trying to take crap. Now would you normally go sending best wishes to people who are tying to take crap? No. But on facebook, it is the order of the day.
The funniest thing is, if you do respond honestly to any such status, it can lead to disastrous consequences and can jeopardize your relationship with your acquaintances – for life. Someone I know have recently gotten married and have changed her status very frequently but they were always about how deliriously happy she is now that she is hitched (the word hitched was mentioned in at least 5 of her statuses). After one such nauseating declaration of love and coupledom, I commented with this line: “I hope you are ready for the life long monogamy ahead.” She deleted my comment and went ballistic afterwards, calling me names and what not. She even asked some of her friends to socially boycott me. She wanted me socially boycotted because I warned her about monogamous married life? Facebook can do that people.
There are some facebook statuses that are less of a status and more of a declaration. For instance the politically inclined Muneeb Ahmed thinks the infighting has already begun amongst the Democratic majority or the arty Shamil Shams is of the opinion that Anand Bakhshi was one of the most underrated lyricists of Indian Cinema.
There are some statuses that include another person and can lead to interrogation of the worst order. For instance, this is the status my friend A had before she left for Italy last month: “A can’t wait for Italy! esp. since Tazeen has raised her expectations about the oh so orgasmic species of Italian men.” You can so imagine what must have happened afterwards. Common friends ganged up on me asking me why such delightful details were kept a secret and why only A was privy to that information. The most delightful thing I have experienced in Italy was the Italian Gelato (ice-cream) and I only wished I had such ‘oh so orgasmic’ encounters with Italian men. The interrogation sessions I had after wards would have put the interrogators at Gitmo (Guantanamo Bay) to shame.
Another thing I am absolutely sick of is the honeymoon related status updating. The past three months have been the extended wedding season in Pakistan. A vast majority of Pakistanis goes to Malaysia for honeymoons and I get status updates like A & B or X & Y are honeymooning in Genting or in Langkavi? Honestly, who gives two hoots if you are honeymooning in location A or B.? In any case, if you are busy updating your status on facebook, you obviously are not having the honeymoon you should have. Something is definitely missing.
So far, the most original facebook status I have seen has come from my friend Zoe. It goes something like this: Zoe is gun powder, treason and plot.