Dec 16, 2008 - Uncategorized    37 Comments

Sugar daddy and Mr. Darcy

Just about everyone I know (that’s all of you my three friends and four acquaintances – dad doesn’t count because he is obviously biased) has been on my case that I should write fiction because they think I can do it. To be frank, I can do a lot of other stuff such as stay in bed the whole day, sleep with mascara on and eat a jar of nutella with spoon, but I have been never prompted to do any one that.

Honestly, I too hold a very high opinion about my writing skills and think I would be the next Helen Fielding/Zadie Smith/Kamila Shamsie – all rolled in one – if I do write. The problem is, I am not disciplined enough to write something substantial. The best I do manage is either this blog, or a few random articles I write for newspapers. For the past three years, I start something that is inspired/stimulated by whatever is going on with my excruciatingly dull life, write a couple of chapters and then lose interest. A friend suggested that Karachi is not loving enough to inspire creativity (he lives in Lahore and marvels at how Karachiites survive the pace of life) but we all know that it ranks way on top when it comes to flimsy excuses.

I have always blamed my zodiac sign for lack of focus in my life. I am Sagittarius and I read somewhere that Sagittarians are extremely flighty and cannot concentrate on anything for long. I just discovered that good ol’ Ms. Jane Austen was a fellow Sagittarian and if she had curbed her typical Sag fickle behaviour and sat down long enough to pen not one, but six novels and some other works, than I can do that too. The problem is, I have a pretty demanding job and whatever time I have apart from work, I spend it commuting. The woman who created the man most women would want to date – that’s a certain Mr Darcy for you – could not have done that while running a million errands every weekend and driving miles to and back from work during the weekdays. The problem is, I need to work to pay the bills, so I will continue to drive the length and breadth of Karachi – back and forth – in pursuit of livelihood and that great novel that I have in me will die with me.

I think I need a sugar daddy to pay my bills, the luxury of not working and the guilt of actually having a sugar daddy who pays my bills will prompt/jolt/nudge/push/shove me into writing fiction.

On a side note, if I ever get disciplined enough to actually write a novel, my hero would be nothing like Mr Darcy. Austen’s Darcy was twenty-eight years old, fairly good looking (or as good looking as a man can be in coattails and frilly shirts), quite judgmental and concerned with social status. My protagonist would be older, way cooler, non conformist to the core, far more intelligent, witty and street smart. In short, a 21st century thorough bad boy.

December 16th is Jane Austen’s Birthday.

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  • How does one go about being considered for the position of sugar daddy?

    My terms are simple (and I am being serious here – I come from a literary and publishing background and I think you’ve got talent): U have 2 years to come up with a manuscript (specifics TB discussed later), which will also be published at my cost with a British or an Indian publisher. In return u either have a gay protagnist central to your plot (with a positive role) or donate 50% of your royalties to an orphanage that we mutually settle upon.

  • *distracted by picture*

    ohh, mister darcy!

  • Stray,

    Is that a serious offer?


    Et tu Brutus???

    Do you that Darcy was an arrogant, prejudiced landlord, just like apna Khar sahab?

  • Now that i have regained my senses…

    i understand the connundrum taz. being a fellow sag, i find myself unable to focus on.. well.. MOST things in life, and least of all my writing 🙁 and i always hate reading about award winning authors who always wrote before they headed into their gruesome 9-5 jobs and managed to find the patience and daily discipline yadda yadda (*eyes david gutterson, frank mccourt, mohd hanif*).

    i blame it solely on the sag spirit, though. and the fact that i dont live in a gaoun, a la austen. a gaoun could’ve been fun though. a spanish gaoun, yeah..

    *drifts off*

  • but darcy mellowed down into a wholesome gentel knight!

    and he didnt bang the preposterous amount of women khar did!!

  • Sidrah,

    darls, we only only what Ms. Austen chose to tell us, he was an English lord, I bet he must have practiced a lot on nubile young English roses before he set eyes on Lizzie Bennet. Khar probably scored more because of his political position, had he been just a land lord like Darcy, he would have been in the same league.

    waisay who could have put these two gentlemen farmers except for a Sag with a criminally flighty brain.

  • It is a serious offer. But we take things forward only when you know you can be committed and focused (and your folks vouch for you being serious) about this.

    I loose money on your first book, but will look at making up from subsequent books [assuming you choose to (i) write again AND (ii) allow me publishing rights] or in some manner capitalizing on your ‘celebrity’ status.

    Let’s discuss this when u know u just have to spew out that great novel resident within you. I’m gonna keep up with your blog for a bit anyhow.

    Waise, I do hope u already have some story lines/ themes in mind (I know u do, but I need to check!).

  • I too seriously think you should write fiction… you are good at it.. .but I agree work and all keeps you tied up…

    But I like your idea of the , “My protagonist would be older, way cooler, non conformist to the core, far more intelligent, witty and street smart. In short, a 21st century through bad boy.”

    If you seriously write… saachi muuchi I will the first in the line to get the signed autograph copy 😉

  • My protagonist would be older, way cooler, non conformist to the core, far more intelligent, witty and street smart.
    I wonder if Darcy was also all this, in his own way, to young women of the 19th century? :/

    I disagree about Darcy. He was not just an English lord, he was an English lord with a bad attitude and schizoid tendencies. He hated everyone, or at least managed to give that impression. It’s all part of the inspiring charm of Pride and Prejudice but in real life, the pride is too great and the prejudice too strong.

  • I find myself liking Darcy because of Colin Firth, but seriously your posts almost always make me smile. I think you’ve got enough wit to pull off a good novel or two.

  • tazeen, Mr Khar has has a number of wives and a string of girlfriends… feudals are in our blood. *shrugs*

    but dont you just love darcy for how he fixed all of lizzie’s problems?

    i want a sugar daddy who’d always be there to get my out of scrapes (and should he die in the process, leave me enough money to buy people and loyalties).

  • btw, you should watch “on becoming jane”… it would be very easy to turn into stone for a sagittarius if all what happened in the movie is somewhat based on reality.

    in other news, do you know i cant really spell “Sagittarius” and had to “copy+paste” it from your post.
    woe is me.

  • “December 16th is Jane Austen’s Birthday”
    Good to know that she was not born on cusp,are you?

    How about Modern day Darcy character in the form Trump?
    he can be sugar daddy!

  • I don’t understand why Mr.Darcy is considered to be the man most women want to date? Why ? Why?

    The way Austen described him is beyond perfection of being a man. At least I am not attracted, so I am waiting for your hero TJ, with wittiness and humor. All the realities and practical approach Darling Darcy lacked.

  • haha! nubile young roses! these were victorian times, and i hope he practised a bit more restraint. (do not taint him for me TAZEEN!!)

    But on a serious note, I agree with F.: Darcy was a bit of a schizo, but mostly he was set in his bourgeois ways, yet willing to bend his “feudal” mindset. Women mostly love him for the utter sadness that his disposition commanded and the fact that he held in him a dam of feelings and thoughts, unbeknownst to the observer. the silent shy type. we all love the silent shy type, dont we, women?

  • You should definitely write a novel if:
    a. You have been to Karachi Grammar School
    b. You are an admirer of Arundhati Roy
    c. The novel will be political to the core
    d. And you will earn Pakistan’s first Booker Prize

  • I’m an aries…and apparently we also have problems seeing things through…which I’ve been trying in vain to overcome by committing to projects and actually seeing them through…and when I know I can’t see it through, I dont even bother beginning.

    As for writing…I’m in the same predicament. Yeah I’d love to write full time…if someone would pay me to do it. I actually ahve alot to say…although, I dont think I could write fiction. I’m not creative like that. I can however offer my theories, opinions, advice and views on a whole range of things 🙂 But soemone has to pay the bills and that someone just happens to be me.

    Let me know if you find the Sugar Daddy factory 🙂

  • why cannot I find a ‘stray’ sponsor 🙁

  • dream on…for Mr. Darcy and do something REAL like writing a book…but I think you already thought of that…

    OK…just do it then? I know when you get to it…things will start falling place…

  • Abdulsami,

    you can have my stray sponsor if you want to.


    why should i dream about darcy after bashing him to core? I think you did not even read my post and still commented. This calls for negative marking.

  • hahaha i like the character you are going to come up with 😀 😀

  • does that mean i will get a complimentary copy of your novel :p
    ooh ok i can see you driving to and fro from work, loaded with work… 😀 😀

  • redkazim,

    I have not studied at KGS but I drive by KGS everyday, does that count?

    I like Arundhati Roy’s political commentaries, but I found God of Small Things an extremely sad piece of writing.

    If i ever get down to it, my novel would be about as political as Rooh Afza.


    Well Aries is a fire sign as well, so I know about your predicament. Don’t wish for a writing job, I have one and I am not too fond of it. I ewrite technical stuff, design tools for assessment of civil society organizations in godforsaken places and do some serious PR pimping. Believe me when I say its no fun; its NOT, take my word for it.

  • Mubi,

    no free copies for anyone. Book lovers should buy proper original books. remember, piracy is haram …

  • heyy, follow your heart! u don’t have to look at your zodiac to tell u if you can write a long and lengthy thing, but yeah, these things never really come out well if you write them while staying organized. Be casual, and keep writing on a single note book, and read it after 3 months or so, i’m sure you’d have a novel ready with all the elements of thrill, adventure, action and romance there!

  • @stray… come on dude/ettte… make me an offer

    @tazeen… piracy is haraaaaaaaaaam :S… shit 🙁 !!!
    all our molvis r sooooooooo in trouble then 😀 !!! lol

  • Lol @ nubile english roses…. Taz… too funny. Mr Darcy is so gay.

  • hi tazeen!

    have you read ‘the motorcycle diaries’? if so, there goes mr darcys chances… good looking revolutionaries always make the grade better than the sugar daddy variety… or maybe im an idealist with a penchant for the not-so-clean-shaven 😛

  • Tazeen –

    16 December is also Beethoven’s birthday. Would your sugar daddy be a man well-versed in classical music?


  • Tazeen:

    Be assured that you are qualified to write a novel if you have even once driven by KGS. Best of luck!

  • I like Arundhati Roy’s political commentaries, but I found God of Small Things an extremely sad piece of writing.

    I’m quite ulta here. I found the book absolutely brilliant but I don’t see eye to eye when it comes to her political views, although I will agree that her skills of argument are excellent. I’m a bit surprised that you agree with her views, though.

    Having grown up in Calcutta, her description of the commies in Kerala seemed so real too me. Too bad she decided to stop with fiction.

    That reminds me: have to buy Adiga’s book when I’m next stuck in a traffic jam. Haram or no haram, I’ll be damned if I have to shell out 600 bucks to read it on good quality paper.

  • The grand irony of Jane Austen’s works is that all the heroes are wealthy, despite all the commentary on the marriage market, all the heroines marry wealthy men.

  • Well “Tazeen”,
    Fine Darcy was portrayed as a negative character… but in the end of course his true nature was shown as well. Austen is a nice writer. I don’t get it why you are after her…lolz
    and her hero too… 😀
    u must try out something in fiction I believe… I am not a very experienced one, in fact I wrote something a day ago only, you must start with something like a short story may be… as I did. Just to know your stamina and how much effort you can put in to it…

  • sidrah, women like the shy silent type??!!!!
    is it possible that you actually knew / met / saw a ridiculously hot guy who happened to by shy, silent and mysterious and you thought you liked that kind even though you only relished his good looks?

  • if you are still taking suggestions about what you are going to write, remember that conversation you put here “THE C O N V E R S A T I O N”?, that should, with a few modifications, make the perfect opener to a novel.

  • Khadija,

    In her heart, even Austen was looking for a meal ticket.


    Who says I am after Austen, if anything, i am seeking inspiration from her, if she can write six novels, so can I.

  • Austen was boring, all the her characters were after money and prestige

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