Oct 10, 2008 - Salman Khan    38 Comments

Bollywood, no more !

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I watched mindless TV for an hour last night and decided that my love affair with Bollywood must come to an end. Like all desi girls, I have indulged shamelessly in the fantasy and escapism that Bollywood has provided me all along, but it is getting a little too close to real life.

Don’t get me wrong, I like art house as much as the next pseudo intellectual, it is the total lack of aesthetics in hiring the appropriate cast that is grating on my nerves. Last night, there was a film on one of the channels with Imran Hashmi in the lead. Why should one watch a balding man who is short, ugly, has a big head over really small shoulders and totally over play his cuteness (which is non existent in my opinion). I couldn’t swallow it so decided to switch to another channel, which showed clips of forthcoming Bollywood attractions. There was a song where a fugly (fugly is fucking ugly for the uninitiated) Ajay Devgan was romancing a super hot girl like Kareena Kapoor. I was quite sad to see that on telly; I mean I see that everyday in real life – smart and beautiful girls with really boring and average looking guys, why cinema does has to imitate life? Kher, I soldiered on and then saw what was the ultimate shocker. Himesh Reshmiya is back, this time with fake flowing locks and that too with a sizzling Urmila Matundkar !!! Listening to him was painful enough but seeing him as a passionate lover boy is downright vomit inducing.

I only watched Bollywood to escape reality. Seeing good looking men with rippling muscles serenading the chiffon clad leading ladies in the foothills of Alps has been the escapism I have been indulging all my life. I turn to Bollywood to see Salman Khan shaking his booty, Arjun Rampal’s deep eyes and tattoos, Aamir Khan’s action and John Abraham abs. I can’t be expected to actually shell out money to see a blonde highlighted Ajay Devgan or a toupee wearing midget Himesh.

Adios Bollywood, I am off to see ‘Burn after Reading’. At least Coen brothers are smart. If they have a John Malkovich in the film, they have balanced it out with Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

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38 Comments

  • Ouch!

  • I agree. Ouch.

    And you’re lucky. In my house, I’m forced to watch crappy singing shows with my parents where Mr Himesh Gaychammiya flicks his feminine locks back with a finger…

    *shudders*

    *spasms involuntarily*

    *falls to the floor writhing in agony*

  • God seriously, I cant understand how anyone can stand Himesh. Something def is wrong with people who want to get more of him beyond the nauseating nasal tones.

  • TJ you should have mentioned the bangs on Himesh forehead and the “Tandoori Night”.

    Irritating song of the century I tell you. He should be hanged to death.

  • Wow, that must’ve been one unforgettable evening. Emraan, Devgan and Himesh? The only thing that could be worse is a movie with all three.

    And of course, now that I’ve written this, some idiot will go and make the movie.

    My sympathies.

    Cheers,

    Quirky Indian
    http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

  • did u jus call kareena n urmila hot … :S !!!

    woa !!!!

    tho yea.. i agree… the males r def not upto the mark !!!

  • Akshay Khanna-Bipasha pair in Race: Blech thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  • People,

    Its not just Himesh, it is for all ugly people in Bollywood. Bollywood is escapist cinema, if I want to watch realist cinema, I would watch Iranian and French films. Bollywood should not have ugly people, if they cant find them at home, they should import, like they did with Katrina. If i want to see a maila sara hua admi trying to over sell his non existent cuteness, I can hop to a local coffee house and see millions of men of all ages, colors and hues.

    Quirky,

    You should not have said that … Its gonna haunt me the whole weekend.

  • HA HA HA HA…

    I’m not a huge Bollywood fanatic…but I have watched a film or three…and one of the reasons I dont watch every movie out there is because of the FUGLY-ness that appears on the screen. I was telling my sister the exact same thing that you said a few weeks ago…

    They’ll have all these beautiful women there…but some of the Guys…FUGLY as HELL! LOL

    I mean, come on! Surely they have a larger female following?! I happen to know that more women watch those movies than men do…so why put us off that way? And its always like that, they cater for the men, but not for the women…so what are we? Chopped liver?

  • LoL…I agree.

    Bollywood is about getting away from your normal life!!

    Besides the ugly guys..it really irritates me that they have started kissing! I mean I’m not a prude or anything but Bollywood was the one place that was still ‘innocent’. Do you know what I mean?

  • Even as a child i had a major fetish for urmila!
    And most those ugly and boring guys with hot chicks generally have a big bank balance, whether you choose to agree with me or not 😛

  • Seeking solace in hollywood is not much better than doing the same in Bollywood…you need another escape route…

  • I’d second farooqk & besides i’ve seen the opposite as well;)
    So you tried watching Karzzz eh..lol:P
    I’ve said goodbye to bollywood to long time ago..apart from very few movies they’ve seldom come up with some creative & interesting or worth watching from quite sometime..never been a fan of their movies & guess i’d never be..whatever!

  • lol…i have said adios a long while back..but i watch an occasional super stupid film to get a laugh out of it…or the occasional not so often…good ones…a wednesday..black and white..and the likes of it..:) good choice girl 😛

  • i guess the scary phase will pass…

  • I can understand your frustrations Taz but what can they do?
    You will have to continue watching fugly men as I still refuse to be a hero in their movies 😛

  • Azra,

    I don’t particularly watch Hindi Cinema as a rule, it was just an evening with B4U that ruined me for life.

    FarooqK,

    I have no issues with your theory, but thats real life. Bollywood means escapism from that reality. If men get to see Urmila Matundkar, why do we get to see his Himeshness?

    Che,

    I don’t want you in Bollywood, you look far better here on my blog 🙂

  • Of course. I make everything better!

  • Che,

    Nah, its my blog that elevates everything.

    In case you have not noticed, you are dealing with a narcissist par excellence.

  • Oh well I think Ill let you share the limelight with me. I believe in gender equality so there must be some woman as awesome as me out there.

  • Bollywood is escapist ? Are you serious ? U stereotype bollywood on likes of himesh who isnt even an actor or Emran Hashmi ?

    U are biased and on basis of few idiot actors u call it escapist cinema….bad call…

    And Iranian cinema ? WHo knows that ? Who understands the language ? Few hundred ppl ? Bollywood has its share of idiots, but then there r lot of real time movies too like Mumbai Meri Jaan or A Wednesday which highlight the menace of terrorism!!

    Sorry to say but till it helped ur purpose, u watched them and seeing few idiots u term it escapist and crap!!

    i feel that shows off the typical Pak hypocrisy. Officially they ban the Bollywood, but then secretly watch movies, adore the Khans, the actresses and then aid piracy of the movies by floating out the pirated movies with brands like Sadaf n all 🙂

    Get real buddy!!

    And is there any movie industry in Pakistan ? What do they call it some Lollywood ? Has the lolly remained intact ?

    Aint women not supposed to watch movies in Pak ? Or else if they do they r beheaded….somethin like that happens rt, may be not in Karachi or Lahore but in tribal areas :))

    Well in Bollywood there are Katrinas, Madhu Balas,Waheeda Rehmans, Meena Kumaris,Nargis and Mumtaazs who were as integral part of filmdom as Rekhas, Hemas and Madhuris….

    And yes Khans as well….5 or 6 of them..they do share huge fan base amongst Indians and yes abroad too and amidst Pakistan too….Esp Sallu bhai or Shahrukh bhai……

    dont be an escapist, accept it tht u hv liked it n now for some crap Himes’es u dont like it but then dont term it “escapist”….that sounds cliched n cynical!!!

  • hahaha… omg… buzzz you made us laugh man u did… 😀

    carry on 😉 !!!

  • I watch Bollywood films for their lighthearted, debonair and almost affable quality. I can’t imagine depriving myself of the simple pleasures that come from such visual entertainment.

    However, for more serious cinema, I do agree the Western medium has an abundant supply.

    That being said, I would highly recommend ‘Lives of Others’. One of the best films I’ve seen in some time.

  • debonair?! affable?!!!!!

    bollocks

  • @ buzz,well said!
    you can be opinionated about an actor or film, but cannot brand whole industry by your own bias.
    Just shows immaturity or may be something missing in your life,like man!

  • Oh wht a real post u hav got here. Its sad but true, coz on an average women are far more good looking as compared to men. And if u see the sex ratio, its very skewed. So with so many men and so less women, poor v women hav no choice but to b with average lookin men. 🙁

  • Buzz,

    You know what, you did crack me up. In case you failed to notice, there is a tag attached to the post and it said HUMOR.

    Yes, our films are absolutely kachra and we have no issues saying that.

    Anon,

    You cant even put up your name there, you have no right to say anything.

  • tazeen, but ours are not.

  • again,you are wrong.
    Your films are not “absolutely kachra”.you just use “ALL OR NONE MINDSET”and this is not humor.
    again Buzz is right!

  • I am willing to bet the big toe on my left foot that Buzzz and anonymous are probably the same person.

  • I just felt like saying Buzz and Anonymous might be the two FUGLIES off the screen.
    Poor things. Chchchchchch.

  • did u just call urmila aunty sizzling??!!! i’m not at all his fan but i’d rather date emran hashmi than urmila.

    ok, the thing is that u didnt get to see your eye candies in the movie and you are pissed. tsk tsk 😛

  • hey buzz why dont you buzz off. God forbid you are reading a pakistani blog…lol
    khadija

  • Liked the humor in the post…. 🙂

    However I for one do not need chocolate heroes or bimbos to make a film watchable. I will be happier with movies with real people – Someone like an Irfan Khan or a nana patekar or the man himself, Naseeruddin Shah.

    The trouble is when you watch movies with the mindset of turning over the pages of vogue magazine ( or playboy sometimes 🙂 )

    For me, movies are more about stories and situations and less about the lead actors hair color or cuteness.

    – Joe

  • You lost a toe,Buzzz and anon are not the same.
    roohee

  • LMAAOOO i think i nearly feel off my chair! 😀 i cannot stop laughing- never read such an accurate description! Loving the fugly part LMAO!

  • It is heartening to know that 68 years after Jinnah propounded his two-nation theory in Lahore in which he specifically mentioned that Muslims and Hindus have different “litterateurs”, Pakistanis have to depend on India for their movies.

    Ah, irony! Where would we be without it?

  • You should see our news channels. 🙂 You can watch it endlessly for the same reason.

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