I have promised that I will not write about my work which is ultra boring and at times, bring me to tears. Believe me, writing emails to accountants “educating them about the effectiveness of regular IT maintenance” can bring tears to the most hardened soul, but I soldier on.
What gets my goat more than the accountants’ never ending questions is the super human confidence of the consultants and the way they throw acronyms. I am willing to bet half my salary that they use them so much that they can no longer differentiate the acronyms of their own company, the vendors’ and the clients. After every long and grueling meeting with consultants’ I vow to become a consultant myself. After all, when you can’t beat them, you might as well join them and make a decent living. When I shared this idea with a friend, she discouraged me and said that I can never be a good consultant. The reasons she cited are listed below.
- I actually care about implementation of the policies.
- I hate writing long reports.
- I do not call hopping in the plane and going to another city ‘process flow’.
- I do not use words like diagnostic period, successful value creation and synergy.
- Being a cynic and pessimist, I can never utter the phrase win-win, even if someone is pointing a gun at me.
- I never use bullet points.
Oops, I just used the bullet points. There might be some hope for me. Yuppie suits, corporate speak and fuel guzzling vehicles, here I come.